God Disciplines Those He Loves

When Paige and I realized that conceiving children wouldn’t be as easy for us as it is for most people, one of my first reactions was to inquire of God: “Why?”  I wondered to myself and to God in prayers, “If God is the Creator of life and has called the gift of children a good and blessed thing (Psalm 127:3-5), then why would He withhold that tremendously good thing from my wife and me?”

As the days and weeks passed by, and the question of “Why?” kept me curious, this verse from Hebrews 12:6-7 continually came to mind: “For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons.”

Maybe withholding the gift of physical offspring was God’s way of disciplining me for old patterns of sin that I had yet to put to death or for holding on to idols in my life. Clearly God’s Spirit was working through His Word to affect me personally. And the effect--while it hurt beyond anything I had experienced before--was spiritually beneficial.

On the one hand, the thought of God disciplining me caused me to seriously self-examine. I began to pay more attention to my thoughts, words, and actions to find and quit the wrong. Conversely, I began doing the good things that I had neglected, namely spending more time with the Lord. During those times I now asked God to show me the remaining areas of sin in my life that I might repent and be made clean. My prayer echoed the psalmist: “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” (Psalm 139:23-24).

On the other hand there was a strange comfort at the thought of God’s discipline. I knew that if God didn’t love me, then He wouldn’t discipline me, like a father who cares nothing for his own children. But in Revelation 3:19 I read God saying, “Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.” It’s as if He was speaking directly into my heart. Not only was God telling me that He loved me like a father loves his children and disciplines them, but He was showing me how to respond to the discipline: through humility and repentance. Prior to my salvation, God could have left me alone and allow me to live and die in my own sinful filth (Romans 1:28). But He didn’t. He loved me enough that He sent His only Son to die in my place and thereby secure my place as a child of the eternal Father. And even still, as a child of the Almighty, when I stray like a disobedient son, God runs after me, disciplines me, and reminds me that nothing can separate me from His powerful love.

“Blessed is the man whom you discipline, O Lord, and whom you teach out of your law. Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word” (Psalm 94:12, 67).

~David

Joy! My Journal Entry- 11/11/12

Joy!

My notes from reading a book by Barbara Johnson.

Deut. 29:29, "The secret things belong to the Lord."

"There is no oil without squeezing the olives. No wine without pressing the grapes. No fragrance without crushing the flowers, and no real joy without sorrow."

~Paige 

God's Timing. My Journal Entry-10/22/12

"God has perfect timing, never early, never late. It takes a little patience and a lot of faith. But it's always worth the wait."

Not sure where I found the quote, but I like it! 

~Paige

God, Are You There? Part II

During the week of February 18, 2013 and into the following week, I found myself asking again, "God, are you there?" I felt so alone and as though no one truly understood what I was going through. God reminded me three more times through three amazing ladies that He was/is there.

First, I received a Facebook message from a friend, Becky, whom I have never met in person  but was introduced to me via Facebook by my wonderful sister, Morgan. Becky, like me, struggled with infertility and was one of the first of several women to reach out to me concerning this struggle. She messaged me that week to let me know that God had brought my name to her mind several times and that she had been praying for me.

Second, my friend, Kelly, scheduled a frozen yogurt-date and took time out of her busy schedule to listen to my heart and pray with me. The words that she spoke to me were some of the same words that I had told God I had needed to hear earlier that week.

Finally, I went to our church's annual women's retreat. As I was sitting at breakfast, one of the ladies I hadn't had the opportunity to get to know came over to me and gave me a hug. I was a little surprised because I didn't know her that well. She started to walk away but turned back around stating, "God has brought your name to my mind several times recently. Is there any way I can be praying for you?" I think my mouth dropped, and I said, "Yes! David and I have been trying to get pregnant for some time now." She said, "I knew it! That's why I was supposed to talk to you.  I struggled with infertility for 9 years." So she began to share her story and introduced me to Psalm 113:9.

Isn't God good? He knows exactly what we need and when we need it, and He is always faithful.

~ Paige

God, Are You There?

One week in October 2012, I vividly remember asking God if He still remembered me as I drove to work. I was listening to and singing along with Kari Jobe's, "We Exalt Your Name." Only a few days later, God reminded me that He was still actively involved in my life and cared for every detail. For it was on October 16th & 17th that more than half of my peers and most of the upper management at my work were laid off. However, for reasons known only to Him, God spared me and reminded me once again of His love and His watch-care over me. 

~ Paige 

Excerpts from Kari Jobe's We Exalt Your Name

Your presence fills and satisfies
Tear's down the walls we hide behind
Oh, God of every aching heart
We long for You in light and dark
For Jesus reigns
Over all He reigns
We Exalt Your Name
High above the heavens
We Exalt Your Name
All of creation sings praise(2X's)

Just Because

Sometime in the fall/winter of 2012, I received a note in the mail from my close friend,  Allison. The note was labeled, "Just Because." God brought my name to her heart during a time that I was feeling especially down. Her note included words from Paul Tripp on Psalm 27:

"Waiting on God isn't about the suspension of meaning and purpose. It's part of the meaning and purpose. It's part of the meaning and purpose that God brought into my life. Waiting on God isn't to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn't simply about what I'll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I become while I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what He's promised. Through the wait, He's changing me. By means of the wait, He's altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait He's causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in His redemptive Hands."

Her note also included a quote from a Puritan: 

"Second only to suffering, waiting may be the greatest teacher and trainer in godliness, maturity, and genuine spirituality most of us ever encounter."

Wow! What encouraging words from Allison, someone who knows what it means to wait. She has experienced a similar season of waiting for her adopted daughter, Elliana, whom we will soon meet!

God is good to provide friends to walk with us through difficult times. 

~ Paige

Alone

"Infertility is a loss that leads to what many professionals refer to as hidden grief. It doesn't get expressed publicly. That's because the loss brought by infertility is not as widely understood as the loss experienced when a loved one dies. Infertility is intangible, whereas death is tangible. Infertility cannot be touched or seen, so its bearers hide their sorrow, complicating their grief and prolonging their healing." 
~ Excerpt from Water from the Rock

One of the reasons I felt it important to write about our story was to encourage others that might be in the same situation that we are. I hope to provide insight to those who are friends or family of couples that struggle with infertility and may not know for themselves what that struggle entails.  


Infertility is a lonely struggle. We did not share our burden with others for some time. Even still we are often hesitant to discuss our story in fear of awkward conversations, shallow comments, and superficial remarks that would only deepen our pain. However, God has laid it on our hearts to share our story with you, and He has already blessed us with encouraging words, prayers, and insights from fellow believers. Our prayer is that you too will be blessed by these words and encouraged by Christ, who is the Word. 

~ Paige

Remington

God's blessings sometimes come in unusual packages.

When we started this journey a year and a half ago, we had no idea where God would take us. Like most couples, we never even imagined we would struggle conceiving. My mother and father easily conceived three children. In fact, my brother was conceived while my mom was on birth control! Even my grandmother conceived each time her and my grandfather tried to have children. David's side of the family tells a similar story. However, God had other plans for me and David, and He has provided for us each step of the way.

One way in which He has provided for us is in a furry, little friend--our dog, Remington. It was exactly the same month we started this journey that God brought Remington in our lives. He has provided fun, energy, companionship, and love when we needed it the most.

God knew that we would need this little blessing during this trying time in our lives. 

~ Paige

It Takes Three to Tango...

February 13, 2013

As we walked out of the doctor's office after our first consultation, David remarked something along the lines of, "Well, It takes two to tango." I commented, "Actually, in our case, it takes three." 

For 85% of couples, when it comes to conceiving in their first year of trying, it does only take two to tango; but for couples like me and my husband David, conceiving naturally doesn't come easily. That's where the third party in this tango comes in: the doctor. 

The fertility doctor commented, "Most couples who sit across from me ask, 'Why us?', and I say, 'Why anyone? It's a miracle anyone gets pregnant!'" As Christians, we know that the miracle of life comes from God. He plans and organizes every intricate detail, and we know that ultimately it only takes One to plan and begin the dance.

~ David and Paige

Psalm 113:9

He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD!