IVF Updates & Prayer Requests

The last you heard from us, we were moving ahead with IVF. That was back in April. But after we had made the decision to move forward in that process, God, working through providence, caused us to hit the pause button for the better part of the summer.

While this was quite discouraging for us at the time, we have continued to trust that His ways are vastly higher than ours. Our sovereign Creator knows the end from the beginning, His purpose is established (Isaiah 46:10), and we have no choice but to submit ourselves wholly to His perfect will. This has been both a humbling and sanctifying journey.

So we halted the process, enjoyed a very busy summer, and went back to the doctor at the end of July to try again.

Fast-forward to last week – God has been abundantly gracious in allowing us to officially begin the IVF process. Paige went in on Tuesday and endured egg retrieval surgery. We praise God for blessing that procedure by being with the doctor, nurses, and anesthesiologist. Most importantly, He kept Paige safe and healthy. And the surgery itself was a success as they were able to retrieve and then fertilize the right number of eggs. 

Long story short(er) – We currently have children!...albeit in their earliest embryonic forms.

What an amazing God we serve; the Grand Designer and our Great Physician! We've seen how He works through means like doctors and technicians, and we praise Him for His guidance thus far. But there's still a long road ahead. While we hope you are praising the Lord with us, we continue to solicit your prayers on our behalf.

Pray for wisdom. Surely there remain questions we have yet to answer in this IVF process, so we are dependent upon the Lord for guidance. 

Pray for our witness. We have sought to speak of our faith in Christ and our moral foundation of God's Word throughout this process. The doctor and his staff know where we stand in terms of our Christian ethics. But pray that God would continue to use us as salt and light among those with whom we come into contact.

Pray for a safe pregnancy and healthy childbirth. In this process, fertilized embryos do not equal a pregnancy, and a pregnancy, of course, does not necessarily equal a birth. And yet we are being so bold as to ask God for a safe pregnancy and healthy baby. We know that nothing is too big for God, and so we ask you to join us in prayer for these requests.

Thank you for joining us in this journey of ours, through your prayers and words of encouragement. Some of you have asked if you can do anything to help us right now; just keep praying. Please. We are humbled by your love and kindness. And no matter how God chooses to work in our lives, whether He gives us children or not, we hope that you will join us in praising God for His everlasting goodness and mercy to those of us who are His children.

Thank you again for your persistent prayers and loving support. God is using you to encourage us!

With much love,
David & Paige

IVF: The Egg Retrieval

I'm still in shock that our infertility journey has brought us to this point. If you'd have asked me 5 years ago if we'd ever consider IVF, I would have said, "No way! We'll get pregnant before we have to do anything that extensive."

But God. He had other plans. And here we are, just a few days after the egg retrieval, weaving our way through the IVF process.

Thankfully, by God's providence, we were delayed in starting the process a few months ago. This allowed us to clear our schedules as much as possible, minimize extra stressors, and devote more time to prayer.

After a busy summer, we started the first step of the process – again – taking birth control. When I pulled up to Walmart on that hot July afternoon to purchase the prescription, I almost cried. What girl trying to get pregnant wants to take birth control? Not me! But with the doctor's orders and the need to "calm down" the follicles that would soon produce eggs, I started the pill. 

This was not a fun experience. My body does not like birth control! My hormones were out of control, and I wanted to eat everything in sight. Unfortunately, my body did not react as it should, with calm, "deflated" follicles, but rather continued to function as usual as if I was not taking birth control at all. So with that, the doctor ordered a double dose of birth control every day.

With almost every exam, Dr. Johnson would say, "Well, Paige, you don't look frazzled yet. I keep expecting you to fall apart the next time I see you because of the increased doses you are taking!" And I'd laugh and think, "It's only by God's grace!" After about a week and a half (which seemed like an eternity), things were looking as they should and we were ready to proceed with the next step: more hormones!

About a week after finishing my last birth control pills, I started a series of injections and medications that would stimulate my ovaries to produce a greater number of eggs than a regular cycle in order to retrieve them and fertilize them for a later transfer. Amazing that this is even possible!

Throughout these 2 weeks of injections and medications, I had to visit the doctor's office every day for a transvaginal ultrasound and a blood test in order to monitor the results and adjust the injection dosage(s) if necessary. By the end of the 2 weeks, my arms were bruised and I felt like an oversized pincushion! Of course, the published list of side effects for the medications was extensive; the good news, however, was that I only experienced a few minor side effects such as anxiety, sadness, shortness of breath, sleeplessness, and bowel issues. Probably too much information, but I want to remember the details so I also remember how gracious God has been to me throughout every step of this process!

David's workbench, AKA our home pharmacy.

David did anything and everything that had to do with the shots. He got up early and mixed them every day. He administered the shots, disposed of the needles etc. etc. I could go on and on! I am very thankful for the part he played in this process as it relieved A LOT of the stress just knowing he was measuring the doses and making sure the injections were done properly.

After 10 days of injections, doctor's appointments, blood tests, and ultrasounds, the doctor determined I was ready for the egg retrieval based on the size of the follicles, and I was scheduled for surgery on August 16th. The doctor said it was as if my body was saying, "Let's hurry this process up. I'm ready to go." He said I progressed quickly, and things were looking very good.

Before retrieval I had to have 2 final shots to trigger ovulation so that I was ready to go for the procedure. One of them had to be given at 12:30AM, 2 nights prior to the procedure. I was too nervous I wouldn't wake up, so I forced myself to stay up until 12:30 and then woke David up in time to give me the injection. The final trigger shot was given by my doctor the next day and we were set to go for the 16th.

My view while waiting for egg retrieval surgery

We arrived at the Scottsdale office about an hour before the procedure to re-sign the consent forms, prep for surgery, meet with the anesthesiologist, and speak with the doctor. When I first arrived they took David back right away, and I was left in a small space with a curtain around me and silence. I started to get a little claustrophobic!

Thankfully, the doctor came in and realized I had been left alone, opened the curtain, found David so I wasn't alone, and told me not to worry because it would soon be all about me for at least the next hour or so.

Around 11:40AM after being hooked up to an IV, I walked myself to the operating room, got up on the table, had my legs strapped up in the air, and was ready to go. I was quite a sight I'm sure! I told all the nurses and staff in the operating room, "I guess all modesty is out the window now!" They laughed. I made sure to thank all of them for everything they were doing for us. One of the nurses started crying and another one said, "See! Our job is worth it!" It was sweet! The nurse that had been taking my blood every day came to Scottsdale just to be there with me for the procedure. The staff and doctor could not have had better bedside manner; they clearly understand the toll that this process takes on a couple.

The doctor came in just as the anesthesiologist put me under. I had wanted David to pray with me and the doctor but it didn't work out, so I decided I'd just tell the doctor I was praying for him. And I did! He leaned over, patted me on the side of my leg, and told me everything was going to be okay. (He probably thought I was just nervous and afraid I wasn't going to wake up, ha!)

About 45 minutes later the procedure was completed. I easily woke up and about an hour later left the office with pain meds, anti-nausea pills, and a very tired body.

The surgery was a success. We trust God that just the right number of eggs were retrieved, and that He will work His will in creating life. We are praising the Lord for answering our prayers thus far, and are hopeful for the days and months to come. 

~ Paige

Thankful for God's goodness so far!

Parenting as a Creation Ordinance

I've been meaning to share this sermon recommendation for many months now. I think it was late in 2014 that a friend in the same infertility boat as us sent this to me. It's a sermon by Pastor David Campbell, a pastor and friend of ours in Carlisle, Pennsylvania. And what an encouraging listen this was for me and Paige when we first heard it. I've listened to it a few times since and have been blessed with every listen.

This message is probably the most clear, most concise, most biblically-balanced and practically applicatory message I have ever heard dealing the topics of marriage, parenting, and infertility. Pastor Campbell faithfully expounds God's Word, upholding the 1689 London Baptist Confession's position on marriage's primary purpose (hint: it's not child-bearing), as he deals with issues stemming from the Creation Mandate (Genesis 1:28) and relevant to the church of today.

In this one sermon, Pastor Campbell addresses important, though often overlooked topics such as the role of childbearing in marriage, birth control, suffering with infertility, and a biblical understanding of Christian liberty. Most helpfully for people like us, Pastor Campbell provides words of comfort to the infertile couple by pointing them to the God of all comfort.

I recommend this message to you for at least these two reasons:

1. To be informed. Listen carefully and learn as Pastor Campbell explains what God intended when He created man and woman and gave them specific duties. Hopefully you will, as we did, come to a better understanding of Genesis 1:28 and the Creation Mandate through this short, but important message.
2. To be encouraged. Whether you are suffering with infertility or not, this message should encourage you in your Christian walk. Hopefully you are a member of a local church, and as such, this message will encourage you in encouraging others who may struggle with childlessness.

Without further ado, here is the sermon. May God bless you through it.

~ David

Money Spent with Nothing Gained

Have you ever made a poor investment? Have you ever lost a lot of money on something in a short amount of time? Well, similar to the way one may invest in a venture that never leaves the ground, seeing the dollar signs spent without a return is not a good investment, and not an enjoyable experience, to say the least.

Who would have thought that looking back on our medical expenses from the past year would hurt so much?

Now maybe this sounds cold to some; somewhat shallow, unspiritual, and matter-of-fact. But for us it's a real pain-point.

Infertility hurts.

It hurts emotionally.

It hurts physically.

It hurts socially.

And it hurts financially.

It's as if our hopes for a biological child shrink in direct, converse relationship to the growing stack of medical bills on the countertop. Don't mistake me here: I'm not saying this is right. I'm not saying that our feelings should be dependent upon external data such as invoices and receipts. I'm simply acknowledging a rarely talked about reality of our journey through infertility.

What do we have to show for the years of consultation co-pays, tests, prescriptions, and procedures? Nothing. Or so it sometimes seems.

While we don't have a child, we are reminded by the Word of God that we already have all that we need right now. We're told in Psalm 84:11,

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly."

No good thing does God withhold from us! Similarly we read in Psalm 34:10,

“The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.”

And what about the assurance given to us by the Holy Spirit in 2 Peter 1:3, "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness..."

Or as the Puritan Thomas Watson put it,

"If it is good for us, we shall have it; if it is not good for us, then the withholding of it is good."

So I guess that as that stack of bills continues to grow, this is the perspective we need to maintain. For those of us who have been bought by the blood of Jesus, God is telling us that according to Him, we already have all that we need for today, all that we need for right now, for both this life and for eternity.

~ David

Opening Up: 7 Benefits From Sharing Our Struggle

I've already written about how difficult it was for me to open up about our struggle with infertility. But once God brought me to a place of humility and complete dependence upon Him, then we opened up, began sharing our story, and have been blessed by God through it. Below are just some of the blessings we've experienced since opening up about our infertility. There have been many things God has taught us, ways he has encouraged us, and areas he's grown us through our suffering—and specifically as we've shared it with others—but here are 7 specific ways in which God has worked good things in our lives through our infertility:

1. Humility

I've alluded to this before: accepting the reality of our infertility was a large slice of humble pie for me. Opening up about it, however, was like eating the whole pie! But God, being perfect and wise, knew that I needed that pie (about the only kind of pie I need, if you ask my bathroom scale!). But as Scripture shows us, humility is a grace of God working in our lives. 1 Peter 5:5-7 reads, "...'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." Humility drives me to my knees, my proper place before my sovereign Creator, and it positions me for prayer. More on this in a moment.

2. Dependence

Walking comes pretty naturally to me on most days. I don't have to think about it, worry about it, or even pray about it. I just do it. But Paige has an 90-something-year-old uncle who has bad knees. Just to get up out of his recliner he has to almost pysch himself up for it. Once he gets his walker in position in front of him, he takes a bounce in his chair and uses his arms to help propel him to his feet. Walking doesn't come as naturally to him anymore. He's more dependent now to do what most people do without thinking about it. This is how we feel with childbearing. Something like 85-90% of childbearing-age couples don't have to put much effort into conceiving. It comes quite naturally to them, and they probably don't feel the sense of dependence upon anyone outside of the two of them to get pregnant. Unlike most couples, Paige and I have felt a dependence every month for the past 5 years now. And ultimately, this is good. Like we need humility, we likewise need to experience our dependence upon God, otherwise we would not have experienced the comfort we have found through talking to God in prayer.

3. Prayer

We have found much confidence in the Lord knowing that the prayers of a righteous man have great power (James 5:16). This isn't a magic formula; it's the simple process of speaking our thoughts to God knowing that He hears us because of Christ our Intercessor and answers us according to His perfect will. A. W. Pink defined prayer as “the way and means God has appointed for the communication of the blessings of His goodness to His people.” So while Paige and I pray and wait, we realize that even now—through our suffering, waiting, and our prayers to Him—God is working sanctifyingly in our hearts. This has proved to be such a helpful perspective for us. What's more, prayer itself comforts our hearts when we pray. The Puritan Thomas Watson once described prayer as "the dispeller of sorrow: By venting the grief it eases the heart." We're told in 1 Samuel 1:18 that Hannah poured out her heart before God in prayer and "was no longer sad." Truly, prayer is a means of God’s grace to us through which He “tinkers” with our hearts and conforms us more to the image of His Son. Thus while we continue waiting His blessing of children, we persevere in prayer with thankful hearts for all He has already graciously provided us. (An entire series of blogposts could—and probably should—be written on the importance of prayer. But maybe another time...)

4. Encouragement

I was at a national church conference a couple years ago when a well-known and much-respected pastor from across the country found me during a break. As he put his big arm around me, and proceeded to inform me that he and his wife had been praying for us, and specifically that God would grant our desire for children. Oh man, I was almost overcome with emotion right there! Here was a long time friend of my dad's, a man I had known for some time but hadn't personally told about our struggle. Nevertheless, he had heard about us, and he and his wife had been praying for us. What a blessed encouragement this was to our hearts! Similarly, Paige has experienced a number of instances when someone went out of their way to provide encouragement. In fact, the more we have opened up about our struggles the more God has encouraged us through prayers, comments, letters, cards, emails, texts, Facebook messages, and hugs. All of these have been an amazing comfort to us in our grief.

5. Resources

A couple years into our struggle with infertility, Paige had a coworker who stepped into her office one afternoon and almost out of the blue mentioned that he and his wife were seeing a fertility specialist. (I guess some people have a different definition of "casual conversation" than I do. But I digress...) What came out of that conversation was the contact name and number of a doctor who Paige and I would soon go visit. And the more we have opened up about our infertility—to both fellow believers as well as unbelievers—God has introduced us to a variety of resources such as doctor referrals, specialist and procedural recommendations, and just helpful food for thought as we walk through this struggle.

6. Ministry

Since opening up more about our difficult situation, we've come to realize just how many people have or are currently struggling in the same way. Some of these couples are close friends of ours who we see regularly, yet until we began talking about our infertility, we had no idea they were also struggling to get pregnant. This has astounded us on more than a few occasions. Just in our small church we have at least four or five couples who have been unable to have children and others who have had miscarriages. These are difficult providences in life that give us opportunities to minister to each other through prayer, conversation, and true Christian fellowship centered around the Word of God.

7. Empathy

Beyond infertility, we've also been better able to empathize with those who are struggling in many other ways. Suffering is suffering. We all suffer somehow. The goal isn't to try to compare or equate our suffering with anyone else's, but simply to acknowledge the reality of suffering in life and show genuine care and Christ-like compassion to others when they suffer. Empathy is walking side-by-side with someone through their hurt or grief. One man at our church recently referred to those who are struggling with any variety of pains—infertility, divorce, the death of a spouse, desiring to be married, stuck in a difficult financial situation, etc.—as the "disenfranchised" members of the church family. These are folks for whom life is difficult, at least right now. They feel hard-pressed on every side. And our role as brothers and sisters with other "disenfranchised" members of the body is to get close to them, to show them our love and commitment to them. Why? Because of the love that God has shown us through Christ.

And this is where all of our suffering comes back to the gospel of Christ. The reason we can endure any kind of suffering is by the grace of God as demonstrated to us by what Christ did on the cross on our behalf. Through Christ, we have real hope and comfort in the midst of life's difficult days. And so as we have opened up more and more about our struggles with infertility, we have seen Christ working more and more in and through our lives. May He be glorified in our suffering.

~David

Father's Day Reflections from a Non-Father

Yesterday was Father's Day. And to put it in admittedly unspiritual terms, it sucked.

That's all I could think to say through the tears as I drove home with my wife from a nice family lunch. What should have been a wonderful occasion celebrating my dad, my 91-year-old grandpa, and my younger brother on his first Father's Day as a dad himself, was a dismal day for me and Paige.

"How selfish of me," I'm still telling myself. "Don't be so sensitive."

But after more than a little self-examination, I really believe I went into Father's Day with the proper mindset. I sought to ensure my heart was right before I left for church in the morning, even the night before. I had spent time thanking the Lord for my dad. I thanked Him for my brother and the precious little gift God had given to Him barely two months ago. I prayed for the worship service that morning and for focus as I sat under the preaching of God's Word. And I prayed for strength, not knowing just how much strength I would actually need on this given Father's Day.

Our church service was blessed by God from start to finish. I left encouraged by the Spirit of Christ and excited for the family lunch to follow. But somehow, for some reason, our family lunch brought with it feelings of isolation and pain. And that's crazy, because I have such a warm and loving family! But as much as I tried to enter in on the family festivities around our meal together, I felt something missing.

Fatherhood, I assume: The life experience of every other male at that table. That's what I was missing.

And so it is, by God's design. While I don't always understand it, I can trust in a God Who does all things right and for the good of those who love Him. And even in my unsanctified, overly sensitive, selfish moments of tearful "This sucks!" cries, I can't help but remember that God's grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in my weakness.

~David

Father's Days Are Hard Too…

In our household, we prepare for Mother's Day. We start thinking about it weeks in advance. What's the plan? Should we go out of town this year? Should we stay home from church? Should we go late to church? Should we skip the festivities? And every year, after much prayer, we do the same thing we do every Sunday. We go to church. We celebrate the Lord's Day. We spend a LOT of time mentally and spiritually preparing for the day. We participate in the family lunch. We celebrate all the mothers. We survive and start another typical week.

It's a difficult day. We hold back tears. We try to be happy for everyone else. We try to smile and "ooo" and "ahhh" over the babies and play with the children. We try to engage in the conversations, all the while hoping we can leave this "awkward for us" situation as soon as possible. Inside, we feel like we don't fit in. The mothers get to go through the lunch line first. The mothers open their gifts. The mothers take pictures with their children. And we feel awkward and out of place. But we make it through the day, by God's grace, and move on. A sigh of relief is breathed out, and we thank God we have a whole year before we have to participate in this terrible day again.

And then, IT happens! Only a month later, without any forewarning, Father's Day is here. Only this time we have not prepared! We are not ready for the flood of emotions and uncomfortableness that this day brings. For just like Mother's Day, it's a repeat. The fathers get to go through the lunch line first; the fathers open presents; the fathers take pictures with their children and their fathers. And we awkwardly stumble through the day as if smacked on the side of the head with the broad side of a board. What was that?, we ask. Why didn't we prepare ourselves? we inquire within. And we walk away bewildered, confused, and usually in tears.

Some days it feels like infertility only gets more difficult. I don't have any words of wisdom or great advice that will magically make everything okay. I do, however, keep hearing the words of a chorus sung at our church this past Sunday, on Father's Day:

I cling to Christ, and marvel at the cost:
Jesus forsaken, God estranged from God.
Bought by such love, my life is not my own.
My praise-my all-shall be for Christ alone. 

We cling to Christ. We know our lives are not our own. And our hope and praise is for Christ alone.

~Paige

In Good Company

Throughout our infertility journey, I have found comfort reflecting on women in the Bible who were also barren for a season. In studying these women, I found it interesting how their lives and their children's lives played a unique role in Biblical history, as they ultimately point us to Christ. 

Sarah

Sarah and Abraham received a specific promise from God that they would bear children who would make up a great nation. However, even with this specific promise, they struggled to wait, to trust, and to rest. They tried to obtain this promise on their own through deceit and a surrogate. Yet God was still gracious, despite their sin. After 25 years of waiting, Sarah gave birth to a son named Isaac who became part of the lineage of Christ (Genesis 21). 

Rebekah

Rebekah and Isaac longed for children and endured 20 years of infertility. While they did not receive a specific promise from God as Sarah and Abraham, Isaac prayed fervently for his wife and she gave birth to twin boys, Jacob and Esau. This story most clearly depicts God's plan for redeeming a people to Himself, to choose by grace and not merit, for Jacob He loved and Esau He hated. We also see how powerful prayer is in a believer's life and the importance of a praying husband. Rebekah and Isaac's son Jacob would give rise to the great nation promised to Abraham, and 12 of his sons would become the 12 tribes of Israel (Genesis 25). 

Rachel

Rachel's story is a painful one, with so much waiting and heartache. Rachel endures great anguish as she watches her sister Leah give birth to not only one, but six children. So hard! We learn many things from Rachel. We learn that the pain of infertility runs deep causing grief and depression. We learn the importance of ridding ourselves of idol worship and being satisfied in God alone. Rachel named her first child Joseph, meaning "give me another." Rachel then died in childbirth with her second son. But how merciful God is! Rachel's story shows us that despite our sin, our idol worship, and ugliness, He is still gracious to give us good gifts, even gifts we desire, that He may receive all the glory. Rachel's son, Joseph would later save His family, God's people, from famine and death (Genesis 30). 

Manoah's Wife

We are not given her name, but we know she was barren. The angel of the Lord visited her and proclaimed that though she was barren she would have a son and this son would begin to save the Israelites from the Philistines. The Israelites were in great distress after doing what was evil in the sight of the Lord and had been given over to the Philistines. Manoah's wife was also in great distress for she was barren and "bearest not." And God came to both Israel and Manoah's wife in their deepest affliction. Matthew Henry remarks, "God often sends comfort to His people very seasonably, when they feel most from their troubles." Manoah's son, Samson, was a type of Christ who came to deliver God's people, and again God used a once barren woman to bring relief to His people (Judges 13).

Hannah

Hannah. One of my favorites, and probably because God allows us to observe her struggles a little closer than the others. For some reason, God focuses the lens on Hannah's life for us, and this focus is beautiful. Hannah teaches us to be patient under affliction, to listen to our husbands, to be fervent in prayer, to heed reproof, to remain composed when persecuted, and to leave our sorrows with God. She did not harden herself in sadness and bitterness but entered the Throne of Grace, emotions and all, in prayer. We see again how difficult infertility truly is and we see God comforting His child as she cried out to him in desperation. We too, can cry out to God in distress, with raw emotions and openness. He will be there to answer, to comfort, and to heal. Hannah's son, Samuel, would become the last and greatest judge of Israel (1 Samuel 1). (Here is a sermon David recently preached on Hannah and her prayerful faith.) 

Elizabeth

Elizabeth and Zechariah were known as the Lord's ministers. They were faithful. They kept God's commands. They served. Their uprightness was evident in their speech, their love towards others, and their devotion to the Lord and His people. Yet they were childless. Elizabeth was barren and as they aged they began to despair. Zechariah was seen constantly at the temple in prayer, lifting up his heart to God. And it was here that the angel of the Lord appeared to him and revealed that his prayers had been heard and he would soon bear a son.

"Prayers of faith are filed in heaven, and are not forgotten, though the thing prayed for is not presently given in." Matthew Henry

Again, we see the importance and power of prayer to bring about the miracle of new life in the barren woman. Elizabeth's son, John the Baptist, would prepare the way of Lord (Luke 1).

God cares about the barren woman. He takes time to specifically speak about infertility in His Word. He makes it clear that He and He alone has the power to open and close the womb, and He does so for very unique purposes that display His glory. This gives me great peace, knowing God is in control and just as He could be trusted with the lives of the women in the Bible, He can be trusted with my life too. 

~ Paige

A Mother's Day Poem for the Non-Mother

I started this poem two Mother's Days ago and have been meaning to finish it ever since. But every time I've sat down to wrap it up, I find it difficult. Like emotionally difficult. So I'm posting it as is, without much of a conclusion. In some ways that just seems to fit our story anyway...still waiting to find the conclusion of our own life's infertility poem. 

~David

It's Mother's Day again today.

(My heart hurts for her.)

She's the one so put together 

From her feet up to her face

She's smiling 

She's hiding

Her desire to embrace 

A child

Her own 

To be a mother with a home.

It's Mother's Day again today.

(Always on a Sunday.)

She's the one so put together

But with tear lines on her face

She's smiling

She's striving

To not feel out of place

A mother

Not yet

But praying she'll be next.

 

It's Mother's Day again...

 

IVF: I'm Worried

I'm worried about my doctors appointments.
I'm worried about the medications.
I'm worried about being worried.

I'm worried about not getting pregnant.
I'm worried about getting pregnant.
I'm worried about being worried.

I'm worried about our finances, infertility is expensive.
I'm worried about investing in something that may yield no return.
I'm worried about being worried.

I'm worried about miscarrying or having an unhealthy baby.
I'm worried about what Google says, are those accurate statistics?
I'm worried about being worried.

I'm worried about David, is he eating the right things?
I'm worried about my diet, am I exercising enough?
I'm worried about being worried.

I'm worried about what people think.
I'm worried about doing the right thing, or the wrong thing.
I'm worried about being worried.

My anxieties are multiplying.
My emotions are out of control!

But then I came into your sanctuary,
Where you hold my right hand, where You guide me with your counsel,
And there my worries fade.

You remind me that You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
You draw near to me and I'm no longer worried about being worried.

You satisfy. You calm. You quiet. You restore.
I'm no longer worried about being worried.

Lord, Teach me to trust You, to keep my eyes on You, to hide beneath the shelter of Your wings.
Melt away my fears and my worries, turn my heart to You and You alone.

~ Paige