Life's Technical Difficulties

I pressed POWER and waited for the newly-installed satellite TV to turn on. After a long day of work, I was expecting to kick my feet up and watch some Mythbusters, or something like it. But instead of my beloved Discovery Channel, an error message appeared on the screen. I turned the unit off and on again, but nothing but the error message and technical support number flashed on the screen. My expectations of relaxing mindlessly in front of the tube were now delayed. How annoying.

I picked up the phone and called the toll-free number. I couldn't fix the problem myself, so what other options did I have? Since it was well after normal business hours, I didn’t know if I would speak to an actual person. Fortunately, though, I was able to get a human on the line to help me troubleshoot the problem. Five minutes, max, is about how long it took for the voice on the other end of the phone to walk me through resetting my satellite receiver and restoring a quality picture and sound to my television. I flipped to my favorite channel, sat back, and my expectations of relaxation were realized.

Whenever life's reality falls short on my expectations, I become quickly annoyed and upset. Even though my life seems perfect compared to the rest of the world, I still look around and wish my life were as painless as my neighbors' appears to be. Sure I have a beautiful wife, a loving family, great friends, a steady job, a big house, two vehicles, and a clean bill of health; but I'm still frustrated about the one area of my life that is not working like it's supposed to. I'm not referring to a slow internet connection or a poor picture on my high-def TV. I'm referring to procreation.

In the case of infertility, when things aren't working the way they're supposed to, everything in me wants a simple solution to the problem. I find myself dumbfounded. I don't like being without answers; I want to know the process for quick and efficient problem resolution.

When biology doesn't seem to work as it's supposed to, we go to doctors--our technical support. They test and observe and re-test. They diagnose the problem to the best of their abilities, but their answer is that they have no answer. Medical science, as we know it today, has no answer. So with guidance from the specialist, we begin to troubleshoot. We expend time and money and emotional energy attempting to overcome the biological error code. But it's an arduous process of elimination, seemingly little more than guesswork.

Sometimes I just want a quick fix to the technical difficulties of life. I find myself calling on God asking Him to manually reset the situation.  "FIX IT!" I cry out in desperate prayers. "You're in control...You've got the power...Just press the button - pull the lever - flip the switch - open the door already!"

Impatience is never helpful. But it's a part of my sin-stained flesh. I don't want to wait for the fix. It should be done...yesterday. It's my life, so it's my timetable.

But that's where I'm wrong -- on both points.

"But as for me, behold, I am in your hands. Do with me as seems good and right to you." Jeremiah 26:14

It's not my life; it's not even my timetable.

"The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.

The Lord has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble.

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:1,4,9

My life is in His hands, and He holds the clock.

"...Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." Matthew 6:10

Therefore, what choice do I have but to sit and wait for the Divine Technician and Great Physician to carry out His will in my life?

In truth, what other choice would I want??

"Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:23-26

~David

Careless Words, Caring Hearts

In the almost nine years since our wedding day, I think we’ve heard it all:

“What’s taking you guys so long?"
“Don’t you know how these things work?”
“You’re next!”
“Your parents want grandchildren.”
“Are you afraid of kids, or something?”
“Everybody else is doing it…”

You may think I’m making some of these up, but I can assure you I’m not. My wife and I have heard these comments—or comments very akin to these—at various times throughout our marriage. What the commenters have neglected to consider, however, is the possibility that we, like thousands of other married couples, may be struggling with infertility issues.

Dumb, careless, rude, unthoughtful, unloving--Instinctively, these are the accusing words that come to my mind when I've received these words from others. "Who do you think you are?...What do you know?...What gives you the right to pry into our personal lives?...Mind your own business!...."  While I've never replied this way verbally, I've wanted to. Even still I find myself justifying my thoughts: "Well, it ISN'T anyone's business." That might be true, but it's an accusatory, short-sighted view I take of others who might simply be using a poor choice of words at a difficult time in our lives to ask us a personal, heart-felt question.

Comments like the above rarely originate from mean spiritedness or cruel intentions. No, instead, they are often rooted in goodwill and are meant to encourage rather than disparage. We've had to remind ourselves of this often. We haven't been perfect in this regard. Infertility is largely a silent struggle for couples. Few people know or understand the emotional, psychological pains that come with this affliction. Dealing with this trial ourselves has caused us to be hyper-sensitive to the topic of children-bearing. So of course we have been tempted to sin--and we have sinned in our hearts by becoming angry or bitter or resentful--when tactless or ill-timed comments  have been directed at us. Thus we have had to do our fair share of repenting and praying for God's peace to guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7).

The church is a body of imperfect parts. That includes us. This is the perspective we must possess when people make offhanded remarks and comments that unknowingly hurt us. Sadly, I can’t count all of the foot-in-mouth moments I’ve experienced where I unintentionally hurt or embarrassed someone. And I have to remember that when I am the recipient of those comments from others.

Still, I think these moments provide a lesson for all of us to learn: Be careful with your words. It’s a constant battle: managing our thoughts before they become words. For me, I have to tell myself, “When in doubt, keep your mouth shut!” (Prov. 17:28). Of course, because of sin and pride, I don’t always listen to my conscience; thus, my tongue inevitably loosens (James 3:5) and it gets me into trouble (Prov. 12:18).

God has much to say about the power of the tongue and the words we say. Here’s just a small sampling of verses that continually admonish me:

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29

“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” Proverbs 10:9

“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” Proverbs 21:23

“So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!” James 3:5

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18

“Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” Proverbs 17:28

“Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!” Psalm 141:3

As Christians, we must heed the words of God and keep a careful watch on our words, because where there are many, sin is not far off (Proverbs 10:9). Similarly, we need to guard our mouths against unnecessarily offending our neighbors. While there’s a time and place for tough love through honest conversation about difficult issues, we certainly don’t need to be needlessly causing offense.


I offer this post as a message I'm preaching to myself often. I need to heed my own words about words. I need to watch what I say and put a careful guard on what John Bunyan refers to as "Mouth-gate" of the "Town of Mansoul." And when others speak to me carelessly, I need to pause before being offended and remember that careless words do not necessarily flow out of uncaring hearts. May God gives us all more love for each other, and may that love be demonstrated by what we say--and sometimes by what we don't say.

~David

Of Parents & Grandparents

I can’t remember the last time we all sat in front of the television and laughed together into the early hours of the morning. That is until this past Christmas when watching home movies with the in-laws during in Kansas provided hours of entertainment for the whole family. We watched as baby Paige captivated her parents’ attention. We laughed at sweet Morgan’s interaction with her big sister. And we rooted on as little Drew took his first steps, fell down, and picked himself up again. But none of these precious moments would be recorded without parents who were involved and invested deeply in their children’s lives from day one.

I am so thankful for the parents God gave to both me and Paige. What I see through these home movies, and memories of my own home life, is parents who love, teach, encourage, and correct their children. Most importantly, I see them pointing their children to Jesus. This is why all of their children know Christ in a personal, saving way today: Because God used these two sets of parents to bring young sinners to faith in Jesus. 

 

Another thought came to mind as I reflected on those decades-old videos: Our parents will make amazing grandparents.

 

There's the old schoolyard rhyme that most of us recall: 

"...First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage"

Isn’t that the natural order of things? Years ago our grandparents married and had our parents. They raised them, married them off, and our parents had us. Our parents cared for us and then married us off. So now it’s our turn. Right?

All in God's timing.

I can't wait for God to bless us with children and simultaneously bless our parents with grandchildren. I know how deeply they would love grandchildren. While both sets of our parents are so caring and patient and sensitive to our present situation, it doesn't change the fact that they would love to be grandparents today if the Lord would bless them that way. And until then, we are thankful for parents who suffer with us, who truly put empathy into practice as they pray and encourage and point us to Jesus. Even still.

~ David

Rejoicing and Weeping

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15 

From 2010 to the beginning of 2013, our church body of less than 200 regular attendees grew from the inside-out by 25. In just over two years, 25 children were born into the church family. With these births came the obligatory Sunday morning pregnancy announcements, baby showers, hospital visits, birth announcement postcards, and the all-around celebration of God-given life. This, of course, has been a demonstration of God’s wonderful blessing upon our small congregation and has provided great joy as we have watched God work in our midst. We have been reminded through this time of blessing to heed Paul’s words to the church and “rejoice with those who rejoice.”

Throughout this time, however, there have been those within this same body of believers who, like Paige and I, have been so far unable to conceive. And for us, even in the midst of our rejoicing with our brothers and sisters, it has been a time spotted with weeping moments.

(Side note: In all honesty, it’s difficult to even put this in writing because I fear it represents a self-centeredness. But we pray to God regularly to guard our hearts from looking at ourselves. We ask God to magnify Himself so greatly during this time that we will not be able to fix our eyes anywhere else but upon Him.)

While we truly love celebrating with our dear friends when God blesses them with children, we there’s no denying the emotional burden we carry simultaneously. And this is where the second part of Paul’s instruction comes into effect: “Weep with those who weep.”

We have been overwhelmed by the way the saints of God have been an encouragement to us through this period of waiting. And it seems that the more we have shared with God’s people, the more He has strengthened us. We have received so many carefully worded notes of encouragement, experienced tear-filled conversations, and listened to heart-felt prayers lifted to God on our behalf. Simply knowing that faithful children of God, our brothers and sisters in Christ, are weeping with us as we wait for God’s blessing is a blessing of it’s own. It’s reassuring. It’s sanctifying. It’s humbling.

I appreciate what my friend, Pastor Nick Kennicott, wrote earlier this year in describing a difficult suffering in his own family:

Through the tears in my eyes, I saw the tears in theirs. Part of the body was hurt, injured, afflicted, and so the rest of the body was likewise burdened with the pain and shared in the grief (1 Corinthians 12:26). Soon after we had made it known, we heard from many other couples who have experienced the same pain, and were encouraged by their words and actions, full of overwhelming love and support. Never had we felt like we needed the church as much as we did in those days, and all of God’s promises about the church proved to be gloriously true. We were the recipients of the love of God’s people who love us because Christ first loved them.

To that we say, “Amen!” Paige and I are so thankful for the saints surrounding us. Those constant encouragers and diligent prayer warriors. Those with sympathetic smiles, welcoming arms, and soft shoulders. We praise God for a church that rejoices with the rejoicing and weeps with the weeping. May God continue to grow us in our love for one another as we grow in our love for Him.

~David

Prayer's Perspective

God, You told us You’d bless us—

And how blessed we are!—

While we pray for a child

You work in our hearts.

It amazes us when we stop to think about all that God has blessed us with already. Even while our minds are filled by thoughts of what we do not have—those blessings that we want but lack—our Heavenly Father reminds us of what He has blessed us with, namely His own Son, our wonderful Savior Jesus.  That by itself is enough to satisfy us for eternity.

But God’s storehouse of blessing overflows in our lives every day. As we pray to Him, trusting that He hears our prayers and answers them, we realize how much He is using this time to bless us presently. Even while we wait for a child, we experience the presence of God’s Spirit working within us to make us more like our Lord. That sanctifying grace of God currently at work in our hearts reminds us that God loves us enough to refine us, to shape us, to teach and to grow us. And while the womb remains vacant, for this reason our hearts are full of joy. 

Thank You, Father, for the eternal blessing of Your love which gave us the expensive blessing of Jesus through Whom we know the ever-present blessing of Your Holy Spirit. Continue to work in our hearts, that our lives may be a reflection of Christ. We ask in His name. Amen.

~David

The Shoe

Morgan had recently moved out of the house and mom needed to replace furniture for her old room. Mom loves old, antique, and refurbished furniture and frequents shops that sell said items in downtown Joplin. Mom purchased a few unique pieces including a large trunk. Mom moved the furniture around Morgan's old room deciding what pieces would look best and where. She opened the trunk to take a peek inside. There were a few drawers that you could take out and then replace once items were stored away.  As she was taking the drawers out, she noticed 1 tiny baby shoe.

Mom says it's my rainbow. My promise that a child will come. Since finding the tiny baby shoe, she's tried many times to just throw it away. There was no pair to the shoe. No reason to keep it. But she can't seem to throw it away. It's a symbol. A symbol of something to come. It's a reminder. A reminder to pray for a miracle.

And so, mom keeps the shoe and we all keep praying.

~Paige

Trust

"This is a Savior who accepts us just the way we are- Mary or Martha or a combination of both-but loves us too much to leave us that way. He is the one who can give us a Mary heart in a Martha world." ~ Joanna Weaver

I’ve always been intrigued by the story of Mary and Martha. While I love the picture of Mary, ignoring the whispers of others, making her way to Jesus, I empathize with Martha. While I hope that I would be a Mary, pouring my praise on Christ with oil from an alabaster box, I fear that I might be a Martha…too focused on the task at hand to focus on Jesus.

In Emily Freeman’s book, Grace for the Good Girl, she spends a whole chapter on “Martha and Her Many Things.” Emily explains that Martha thought she was irreplaceable and that the work would not get done unless she did it. While Martha got a few things right, she missed the mark. Martha had many things she felt needed to get done, and so do we. Emily encourages readers to think of our many things. Our lists grow longer and longer and become more daunting. Emily also thinks of infertile Sarah in the Old Testament and how her lack of trust in God caused her to convince Abraham to conceive with Hagar. Sarah thought she needed to find another way for God’s promise of having a child to come to be, that she couldn’t possibly become pregnant without creating her own plan.

As a woman struggling with infertility, I often lose trust, like Sarah, and try to find other ways to become pregnant….hours on the internet, searching the latest and greatest research, reading endless blogs of other women in my situation…and I lose sight of Christ. I focus on the work, rather than the worship.

When we find ourselves focusing on the work rather than the worship, may we think of Mary. Worship should flow out of the hearts of those that believe. Mary, Jesus’ mother, also gave worship rather than work. When the angel of the Lord came to her and told her she would conceive a child and give birth to a son named Jesus, she trusted and worshiped.

May I learn to trust God so that pleasing Him is automatic, rather than working to please Him and finding it hard to trust.

(Thought and excerpts from the book Grace for the Good Girl)

Alabaster Box - A song by CeCe Winans

The room grew still

As she made her way to Jesus

She stumbles through the tears that made her blind

She felt such pain

Some spoke in anger

Heard folks whisper

There's no place here for her kind

Still on she came

Through the shame that flushed her face

Until at last, she knelt before his feet

And though she spoke no words

Everything she said was heard

As she poured her love for the Master

From her box of alabaster


Refrain


And I've come to pour

My praise on Him

Like oil from Mary's alabaster box

Don't be angry if I wash his feet with my tears

And I dry them with my hair

You weren't there the night He found me

You did not feel what I felt

When he wrapped his love all around me and

You don't know the cost of the oil

In my alabaster box


Can't forget the way life used to be

I was a prisoner to the sin that had me bound

And I spent my days 

Poured my life without measure

Into a little treasure box

I'd thought I'd found

Until the day when Jesus came to me

And healed my soul

With the wonder of His touch

So now I'm giving back to Him

All the praise He's worthy of

I've been forgiven 

And that's why

I love Him so much


Refrain


And I've come to pour

My praise on Him

Like oil from Mary's alabaster box

Don't be angry if I wash his feet with my tears

And dry them with my hair (my hair)

You weren't there the night Jesus found me

You did not feel what I felt 

When He wrapped his loving arms around me and

You don't know the cost of the oil

Oh, you don't know the cost of my praise

You don't know the cost of the oil

In my alabaster box

~Paige

Why?

Did you know that approximately 605,479 women get pregnant each day? This means that there are about 220 million women that get pregnant each year. Seems pretty easy? In fact, 15 year olds conceive during a one-time youthful indiscretion, crack-heads conceive while high on drugs, prostitutes conceive often while “on the job”, lovers conceive who are not yet ready to make a commitment… Many of these pregnancies that occur “accidentally” result in over 1.2 million abortions (murders) in the United States each year.

While all of this is occurring in the world, women like me who are in committed, godly relationships who are actively, desperately trying to conceive cannot. And we look to the statistics and ask, “why not us?” We know that 85% of women actively trying are able to achieve pregnancy within a year. And we ask, “why not us?” Month after month, year after year,  we hope, we wait, we pray…and nothing. “Why can’t we be a part of the 85%?” we ask. “What sin have we not confessed?” we ask. “Why don’t we deserve what the other 85% have?” we ask. “What is God trying to teach us?” we ask. “Why does a good God plan and prescribe bad things to happen to us, who are striving to do what is good and right?” we ask.

I firmly believe it’s okay to ask why, to be sad, to cry out, to long for answers. But I also believe, Jesus brings people to the edge of self-sufficiency and urges us to fall to the ground in surrender. I believe, Jesus is present when people are broken. I believe, that no matter what, even if God calls me home tonight in my sleep, He never stepped off His throne. He simply brought me closer to it. I believe that God is my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. I believe that God is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever.

“Why?” we ask. We may never know why. We may never know all the answers. We may never get pregnant. But we do know that God is sovereign. We do know He knows all the answers. We do know He has a reason. And we can trust Him. He is our hope. He is our joy. He is our all and all. He is all we need.

Dear Lord, I receive your timing. I accept that you know so I don’t have to. Even when it all goes wrong.

Excerpts from Grace for the Good Girl and God’s Word

~Paige Giarrizzo

Poem: "Have You Ever"

I wrote the following poem on a plane coming home from a vacation. Even after such a sweet time on a trip with my wife, I couldn’t help the nagging thoughts as we flew home, the lingering hopes concerning pregnancy. 30,000 feet above the earth, with Paige asleep on my shoulder, it was one of those moments of loneliness. I wondered to myself if we would ever get to experience the joys and pains of bringing a child into this world. I wondered if I would ever get the opportunity to help a life to start. And if not, I was asking why...

"Have You Ever"

Have you ever 

Sought for just a mite of gold --

Fought with all your might to hold --

But lost your mind while grasping

Asking why?

Have you ever 

Blown your lid over little flings

Kept your cool through bigger stings

Known God's will without grasping

Asking why?

Have you ever 

Felt real pain in happiness

Laughed amidst the loneliness

Fell down face first grasping

Asking why?

 

Have you ever

Helped a life to start

Heard a beating heart

Held a small hand grasping?...

I'm asking, "Why?"

~David

God Disciplines Those He Loves

When Paige and I realized that conceiving children wouldn’t be as easy for us as it is for most people, one of my first reactions was to inquire of God: “Why?”  I wondered to myself and to God in prayers, “If God is the Creator of life and has called the gift of children a good and blessed thing (Psalm 127:3-5), then why would He withhold that tremendously good thing from my wife and me?”

As the days and weeks passed by, and the question of “Why?” kept me curious, this verse from Hebrews 12:6-7 continually came to mind: “For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons.”

Maybe withholding the gift of physical offspring was God’s way of disciplining me for old patterns of sin that I had yet to put to death or for holding on to idols in my life. Clearly God’s Spirit was working through His Word to affect me personally. And the effect--while it hurt beyond anything I had experienced before--was spiritually beneficial.

On the one hand, the thought of God disciplining me caused me to seriously self-examine. I began to pay more attention to my thoughts, words, and actions to find and quit the wrong. Conversely, I began doing the good things that I had neglected, namely spending more time with the Lord. During those times I now asked God to show me the remaining areas of sin in my life that I might repent and be made clean. My prayer echoed the psalmist: “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” (Psalm 139:23-24).

On the other hand there was a strange comfort at the thought of God’s discipline. I knew that if God didn’t love me, then He wouldn’t discipline me, like a father who cares nothing for his own children. But in Revelation 3:19 I read God saying, “Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.” It’s as if He was speaking directly into my heart. Not only was God telling me that He loved me like a father loves his children and disciplines them, but He was showing me how to respond to the discipline: through humility and repentance. Prior to my salvation, God could have left me alone and allow me to live and die in my own sinful filth (Romans 1:28). But He didn’t. He loved me enough that He sent His only Son to die in my place and thereby secure my place as a child of the eternal Father. And even still, as a child of the Almighty, when I stray like a disobedient son, God runs after me, disciplines me, and reminds me that nothing can separate me from His powerful love.

“Blessed is the man whom you discipline, O Lord, and whom you teach out of your law. Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word” (Psalm 94:12, 67).

~David