Life's Technical Difficulties

I pressed POWER and waited for the newly-installed satellite TV to turn on. After a long day of work, I was expecting to kick my feet up and watch some Mythbusters, or something like it. But instead of my beloved Discovery Channel, an error message appeared on the screen. I turned the unit off and on again, but nothing but the error message and technical support number flashed on the screen. My expectations of relaxing mindlessly in front of the tube were now delayed. How annoying.

I picked up the phone and called the toll-free number. I couldn't fix the problem myself, so what other options did I have? Since it was well after normal business hours, I didn’t know if I would speak to an actual person. Fortunately, though, I was able to get a human on the line to help me troubleshoot the problem. Five minutes, max, is about how long it took for the voice on the other end of the phone to walk me through resetting my satellite receiver and restoring a quality picture and sound to my television. I flipped to my favorite channel, sat back, and my expectations of relaxation were realized.

Whenever life's reality falls short on my expectations, I become quickly annoyed and upset. Even though my life seems perfect compared to the rest of the world, I still look around and wish my life were as painless as my neighbors' appears to be. Sure I have a beautiful wife, a loving family, great friends, a steady job, a big house, two vehicles, and a clean bill of health; but I'm still frustrated about the one area of my life that is not working like it's supposed to. I'm not referring to a slow internet connection or a poor picture on my high-def TV. I'm referring to procreation.

In the case of infertility, when things aren't working the way they're supposed to, everything in me wants a simple solution to the problem. I find myself dumbfounded. I don't like being without answers; I want to know the process for quick and efficient problem resolution.

When biology doesn't seem to work as it's supposed to, we go to doctors--our technical support. They test and observe and re-test. They diagnose the problem to the best of their abilities, but their answer is that they have no answer. Medical science, as we know it today, has no answer. So with guidance from the specialist, we begin to troubleshoot. We expend time and money and emotional energy attempting to overcome the biological error code. But it's an arduous process of elimination, seemingly little more than guesswork.

Sometimes I just want a quick fix to the technical difficulties of life. I find myself calling on God asking Him to manually reset the situation.  "FIX IT!" I cry out in desperate prayers. "You're in control...You've got the power...Just press the button - pull the lever - flip the switch - open the door already!"

Impatience is never helpful. But it's a part of my sin-stained flesh. I don't want to wait for the fix. It should be done...yesterday. It's my life, so it's my timetable.

But that's where I'm wrong -- on both points.

"But as for me, behold, I am in your hands. Do with me as seems good and right to you." Jeremiah 26:14

It's not my life; it's not even my timetable.

"The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.

The Lord has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble.

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:1,4,9

My life is in His hands, and He holds the clock.

"...Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." Matthew 6:10

Therefore, what choice do I have but to sit and wait for the Divine Technician and Great Physician to carry out His will in my life?

In truth, what other choice would I want??

"Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:23-26

~David

Careless Words, Caring Hearts

In the almost nine years since our wedding day, I think we’ve heard it all:

“What’s taking you guys so long?"
“Don’t you know how these things work?”
“You’re next!”
“Your parents want grandchildren.”
“Are you afraid of kids, or something?”
“Everybody else is doing it…”

You may think I’m making some of these up, but I can assure you I’m not. My wife and I have heard these comments—or comments very akin to these—at various times throughout our marriage. What the commenters have neglected to consider, however, is the possibility that we, like thousands of other married couples, may be struggling with infertility issues.

Dumb, careless, rude, unthoughtful, unloving--Instinctively, these are the accusing words that come to my mind when I've received these words from others. "Who do you think you are?...What do you know?...What gives you the right to pry into our personal lives?...Mind your own business!...."  While I've never replied this way verbally, I've wanted to. Even still I find myself justifying my thoughts: "Well, it ISN'T anyone's business." That might be true, but it's an accusatory, short-sighted view I take of others who might simply be using a poor choice of words at a difficult time in our lives to ask us a personal, heart-felt question.

Comments like the above rarely originate from mean spiritedness or cruel intentions. No, instead, they are often rooted in goodwill and are meant to encourage rather than disparage. We've had to remind ourselves of this often. We haven't been perfect in this regard. Infertility is largely a silent struggle for couples. Few people know or understand the emotional, psychological pains that come with this affliction. Dealing with this trial ourselves has caused us to be hyper-sensitive to the topic of children-bearing. So of course we have been tempted to sin--and we have sinned in our hearts by becoming angry or bitter or resentful--when tactless or ill-timed comments  have been directed at us. Thus we have had to do our fair share of repenting and praying for God's peace to guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7).

The church is a body of imperfect parts. That includes us. This is the perspective we must possess when people make offhanded remarks and comments that unknowingly hurt us. Sadly, I can’t count all of the foot-in-mouth moments I’ve experienced where I unintentionally hurt or embarrassed someone. And I have to remember that when I am the recipient of those comments from others.

Still, I think these moments provide a lesson for all of us to learn: Be careful with your words. It’s a constant battle: managing our thoughts before they become words. For me, I have to tell myself, “When in doubt, keep your mouth shut!” (Prov. 17:28). Of course, because of sin and pride, I don’t always listen to my conscience; thus, my tongue inevitably loosens (James 3:5) and it gets me into trouble (Prov. 12:18).

God has much to say about the power of the tongue and the words we say. Here’s just a small sampling of verses that continually admonish me:

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29

“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” Proverbs 10:9

“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” Proverbs 21:23

“So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!” James 3:5

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18

“Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” Proverbs 17:28

“Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!” Psalm 141:3

As Christians, we must heed the words of God and keep a careful watch on our words, because where there are many, sin is not far off (Proverbs 10:9). Similarly, we need to guard our mouths against unnecessarily offending our neighbors. While there’s a time and place for tough love through honest conversation about difficult issues, we certainly don’t need to be needlessly causing offense.


I offer this post as a message I'm preaching to myself often. I need to heed my own words about words. I need to watch what I say and put a careful guard on what John Bunyan refers to as "Mouth-gate" of the "Town of Mansoul." And when others speak to me carelessly, I need to pause before being offended and remember that careless words do not necessarily flow out of uncaring hearts. May God gives us all more love for each other, and may that love be demonstrated by what we say--and sometimes by what we don't say.

~David

Of Parents & Grandparents

I can’t remember the last time we all sat in front of the television and laughed together into the early hours of the morning. That is until this past Christmas when watching home movies with the in-laws during in Kansas provided hours of entertainment for the whole family. We watched as baby Paige captivated her parents’ attention. We laughed at sweet Morgan’s interaction with her big sister. And we rooted on as little Drew took his first steps, fell down, and picked himself up again. But none of these precious moments would be recorded without parents who were involved and invested deeply in their children’s lives from day one.

I am so thankful for the parents God gave to both me and Paige. What I see through these home movies, and memories of my own home life, is parents who love, teach, encourage, and correct their children. Most importantly, I see them pointing their children to Jesus. This is why all of their children know Christ in a personal, saving way today: Because God used these two sets of parents to bring young sinners to faith in Jesus. 

 

Another thought came to mind as I reflected on those decades-old videos: Our parents will make amazing grandparents.

 

There's the old schoolyard rhyme that most of us recall: 

"...First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage"

Isn’t that the natural order of things? Years ago our grandparents married and had our parents. They raised them, married them off, and our parents had us. Our parents cared for us and then married us off. So now it’s our turn. Right?

All in God's timing.

I can't wait for God to bless us with children and simultaneously bless our parents with grandchildren. I know how deeply they would love grandchildren. While both sets of our parents are so caring and patient and sensitive to our present situation, it doesn't change the fact that they would love to be grandparents today if the Lord would bless them that way. And until then, we are thankful for parents who suffer with us, who truly put empathy into practice as they pray and encourage and point us to Jesus. Even still.

~ David