I know it's odd to put it that way: The "Benefits" of childlessness? So allow me to unpack this notion in a short series of posts. However, before we look at these so-called benefits, I understand the sensitive nature of this topic for people who have children and those who desire children, thus I feel the need to outline my purpose in writing, add a few customary disclaimers, and make one important clarification.
Purpose
The purpose of this series is simply to comfort the afflicted and encourage the discouraged. I write from a position of personal experience with the affliction of infertility in order to help others find hope and contentment in their similar suffering.
Disclaimer #1
First, I do not mean to imply that childlessness or infertility is a blessing. While God can and will use trials in His children's lives to instruct, mature, and sanctify them—and thereby bless them—infertility is a very real affliction that can greatly discourage couples desirous of children. The scope of this series, however, is to focus on the first half of that last sentence: God blesses His loved ones even in the difficult chapters of life (Romans 8:28).
Disclaimer #2
Second, in discussing the “benefits” of childlessness, I do not mean to assert a greater level of importance to being without children than to child-bearing and rearing. In no way do I intend to downplay or trivialize the true benefits of parenting. Each chapter of life possesses unique importance and some chapters of life contain benefits uncommon to other chapters. Just as the benefits of singleness do not negate, minimize, or replace the importance and benefits of marriage, so the benefits of childlessness do not negate, minimize, or replace the importance and benefits of parenting. In fact, my prayer is that any childless couple like us who earnestly desires the blessing of children will experience that blessing and the benefits that follow in that particular chapter of life.
Disclaimer #3
Third, none of these benefits are exclusive to couples without children. I have observed many, many parents who enjoy the activities outlined in this series even with children under their roofs (though it may take more conscious effort and concerted energy for those couples to do so). The purpose of this post, however, is simply to observe some specific ways couples without children can find contentment in their suffering by ministering to others.
Purpose
The purpose of this series is simply to comfort the afflicted and encourage the discouraged. I write from a position of personal experience with the affliction of infertility in order to help others find hope and contentment in their similar suffering.
Disclaimer #1
First, I do not mean to imply that childlessness or infertility is a blessing. While God can and will use trials in His children's lives to instruct, mature, and sanctify them—and thereby bless them—infertility is a very real affliction that can greatly discourage couples desirous of children. The scope of this series, however, is to focus on the first half of that last sentence: God blesses His loved ones even in the difficult chapters of life (Romans 8:28).
Disclaimer #2
Second, in discussing the “benefits” of childlessness, I do not mean to assert a greater level of importance to being without children than to child-bearing and rearing. In no way do I intend to downplay or trivialize the true benefits of parenting. Each chapter of life possesses unique importance and some chapters of life contain benefits uncommon to other chapters. Just as the benefits of singleness do not negate, minimize, or replace the importance and benefits of marriage, so the benefits of childlessness do not negate, minimize, or replace the importance and benefits of parenting. In fact, my prayer is that any childless couple like us who earnestly desires the blessing of children will experience that blessing and the benefits that follow in that particular chapter of life.
Disclaimer #3
Third, none of these benefits are exclusive to couples without children. I have observed many, many parents who enjoy the activities outlined in this series even with children under their roofs (though it may take more conscious effort and concerted energy for those couples to do so). The purpose of this post, however, is simply to observe some specific ways couples without children can find contentment in their suffering by ministering to others.
Clarification
Finally, this is in no way an argument for what has been termed “childfree living." There is an important distinction between childless and child-free. By childless, I refer to the couple who desires to have children but has not been blessed with them yet. Child-free, however, typically refers to the couple who has considered the possibility of children but has made a deliberate decision not to pursue parenthood. I believe there is a stark difference between these two types of couples in both their worldviews and heart motives. I will refrain from commenting here and now about the moral and truth elements of the worldview and attitude of a typical child-free ideology; but please recognize that there is in fact a fundamental difference between the worldviews and intentions of a childless couple and those of a child-free couple.
With those tedious but necessary thoughts out of the way, let me introduce the actual topic at hand, and I pray that as you follow along with me in this series, God will encourage wherever you are, no matter the providence.
Introduction
I completed my Master of Business Administration in May 2013. Throughout my studies I found that many assignments required me to compare and contrast different options in order to make a quality business decision. These activities and reports are known by different names: SWOT analysis; Pros-and-Cons list; Decision matrix; etc. These metrics enable one to evaluate present factors in order to make an informed judgment or decision.
At times, I have unintentionally applied a loose rubric of such analytical mechanisms to specific areas of my life. One such area of life is the family unit. Since my wife and I are in a specific chapter of life--married without children, or “childless”—I find myself evaluating our circumstances and looking for the positives, the opportunities the pros. You see, it takes little effort to see the downside of being married and desirous of children, but not able to conceive. So it's important and healthy for us to look at the "upside" of this time as well.
My aim in writing is to identify and emphasize the blessings of God even in our times of trial, so that we may "rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us" (Romans 5:3-5). We are called to take hope and find contentment in our afflictions, knowing that whatever we suffer in this life is from the sovereign and loving hand of God and is meant to make us more like Christ Who suffered far worse than we ever will.
Correspondingly, I believe it is important to find ways to use life’s difficult days to serve the Lord and bless others. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God" (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). As I hope you’ll see, the list of “benefits” below is largely other-minded.
"Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit,serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality." Romans 12:10-13
This is how the Apostle Paul instructs the local church body in its interactions with its various parts: Love. Honor. Serve. Rejoice. Wait. Pray. Give. These imperatives are not just for one specific demographic or category of people in the church. They are for all of us. However, just as Paul could say in 1 Corinthians 7 that it was good for him to be unmarried so that he could be unencumbered in his ministry to the Lord, I seek to extend the same logic of the Apostle to show the unique freedoms that childless couples enjoy in their ministry to the Lord.
The Benefits Outlined
In the next few posts, I plan to note at least three areas of life where my wife and I can personally speak to the benefits of childlessness. Each of these areas is a category like an umbrella, with many benefits beneath it. For the sake of simplicity, I will simply mention the three categories and add some details along the way.
The three general areas of life where childless couples can experience unique benefits are Marriage, Ministry, and Money. As I’ll seek to show, each of these slices of life naturally overlap with the others. In the next post, I will begin unpacking the specific benefits of marriage which childless couples enjoy beginning first with Marriage.
~David
In the next few posts, I plan to note at least three areas of life where my wife and I can personally speak to the benefits of childlessness. Each of these areas is a category like an umbrella, with many benefits beneath it. For the sake of simplicity, I will simply mention the three categories and add some details along the way.
The three general areas of life where childless couples can experience unique benefits are Marriage, Ministry, and Money. As I’ll seek to show, each of these slices of life naturally overlap with the others. In the next post, I will begin unpacking the specific benefits of marriage which childless couples enjoy beginning first with Marriage.
~David
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