Holidays are hard. And they sometimes sneak up on us. We don't expect them to be hard. We look forward to them. We plan for them. We decorate. We make a side dish. We look forward to time with family. The holiday arrives. We are excited to see family and friends, eat good food, and engage in the festivities. We enjoy the day.
And yet there is something there, an underlying nagging, a twinge of pain. All day, we work to push it aside, but it remains. We celebrate. We participate in the day. We love the conversation, the laughs, the fun. Yet at the end of the day, when all is done, we just want to cry. The underlying nagging, that twinge of pain takes over and the tears flow. And we think, "where is this coming from?" We think, "this day was wonderful and we had such a beautiful time...how could we feel so lonely and sad?"
But as a good friend reminded me today, those feelings were really always there; they are a part of grief. And that's okay. It's okay to be sad and to hurt and to cry.
And yet there is something there, an underlying nagging, a twinge of pain. All day, we work to push it aside, but it remains. We celebrate. We participate in the day. We love the conversation, the laughs, the fun. Yet at the end of the day, when all is done, we just want to cry. The underlying nagging, that twinge of pain takes over and the tears flow. And we think, "where is this coming from?" We think, "this day was wonderful and we had such a beautiful time...how could we feel so lonely and sad?"
But as a good friend reminded me today, those feelings were really always there; they are a part of grief. And that's okay. It's okay to be sad and to hurt and to cry.
But how do we respond to these feelings? Do we act out in anger? Do we become impatient with others? Do we allow bitterness to take hold? Do we resent others who have what we desire and in turn isolate ourselves from them?....Or do we look to Christ, the Incarnate God? Do we see His hand in all these things? Do we reflect on the true meaning of the holiday we are celebrating?
So on this day, the day after Thanksgiving, I will choose to give thanks to God in every circumstance. Are there still tears? Yes! But in the sadness, I'm reminded there can also be true joy and thankfulness. For our joy is only in Him. He is the true reason for the gratitude found deep in our hearts.
Happy Thanksgiving!
One more thing...
I found the following excerpt on a blog called The Carry Camp. It briefly explains well the feelings that come with infertility on a holiday, so I wanted to share. Hope it's helpful!
Be sensitive on holidays: Mother’s Day hurts. Christmas finds us wishing we had a little one to watch unwrap gifts. Thanksgiving brings about those feelings of, “I thought for sure we’d have an announcement to make by this year,” birthdays remind us that another year has passed without a baby, and on it goes. Please be extra sensitive and aware on holidays. We desperately want to enjoy family time and have fun celebrating, but sometimes our emotions get the best of us. You can show you care by giving us extra grace. A pat on the back, an extra long hug, or just some kind words go a long way. Holidays aren’t necessarily the best time to ask if we’re okay because we don’t really want to dissolve into a puddle of tears in front of the whole family. But they are a good time to schedule that coffee date.
~Paige
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