The Update We've All Been Waiting For

Paige is pregnant!
(Figured we should just cut to the chase.)

Paige had a blood test this morning and our doctor called with results this afternoon.

We are overjoyed and overflowing in our hearts with praise to the Lord! We worship a God Who hears the prayers of His people and faithfully answers them according to His perfect will and timing.

Obviously this is super early in the game.
Obviously there are still many unknowns.
Obviously there's still a long road ahead. 

But just as everything has been in the hands of God up until this point, so everything remains. And in this truth we take great comfort. We continue to trust in Him as we praise Him today for this exciting news!

We have a follow-up appointment next week with a second blood test to make sure that the levels are rising appropriately. We will continue to keep you updated as we go.

Thank you for praying with us and for us along this 5+ year journey. While this is certainly the milestone we've been praying for, the journey isn't over. So we ask for your continued prayers for a healthy pregnancy.

We love you.

Praising God!
~David & Paige

Two More Sleeps

I hear parents often say to their children, "Just three more sleeps until we get to do this...or five more sleeps until we get to do that." And the kids then display such a mix of emotions from excitement to anticipation to sadness because the day they are waiting for cannot come soon enough. Three or five or even two more sleeps seems like way too many!

This is how the last week has felt to me and I've resorted to telling time by the "number of sleeps." This coming Friday, in just two more sleeps, we'll know whether or not our two little embryos have implanted. The anticipation has been almost unbearable at times. Just like a little child, I've been overjoyed at times, sad a few minutes later and then filled with anticipation moments after that.

By far, this has been the hardest wait we have experienced to date. My doubts and fears overwhelm me and I've found myself in much prayer and meditation, crying out to God to give me grace and faith and a trust in Him no matter what the outcome. Lord, help my unbelief!

Oh restless heart, do not grow weary
Hold on to faith and wait
The God of love, He will not tarry
He is never late

So I wait in the promise
I wait in hope
Yes, I wait in the power
Of God's unending love

Be still and rest secure, my soul
He knows what's best for me
Here in my patience lies the goal
To wait and trust in Thee

So I wait in the promise
I wait in hope
Yes, I wait in the power
Of God's unending love

Even through my imperfections
His light is shining through
Though dim I am still a reflection
Of mercy and The truth

So I wait in the promise
I wait in hope
Yes, I wait in the power
Of God's unending love

-All Sons and Daughters

~ Paige

What Most Couples Don't See

At some point along this IVF journey, a part of me feared that it would all become routine; that I would get so caught up in the procedural elements of IVF and somehow miss the wonder of it all as God drifted to the peripheral.
 

But by God's grace, that didn't happen. In the middle of what seemed like the most important moment in our infertility journey thus far – the embryo transfer – God provided us with an awesome reminder that His is the hand that brings about new life.

As I sat there in the dimly lit room, save for the doctor's spotlight, I held Paige's hand and stared at the ultrasound screen. Nothing about it felt routine. 

And then we saw it.

After five years of struggling, waiting, and wondering what was to come, our eyes were now fixed on this fuzzy image of black and white. And as the doctor did his thing with the catheter, we watched as two dots of bright white on the screen seemed as if they were gracefully pushed out from a straw.

Those are our children. And had we never gone through this IVF process we would never have seen that moment. Few people have the privilege of watching that. But we did. And it caused us to worship.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

You see, the doctor could only go so far. He could position the tube in what seemed to be the most ideal place to drop the embryos. But just like he couldn't create the new strands of DNA that would be found in each embryo, neither could he now make the embryos implant. Medical science, with all of its advances in reproductive technology, is and will always be limited. Doctors and medicine can go only as far as God has said they can go. This has been freshly obvious to us through all of our fertility treatments.

Most of all, instead of pushing thoughts of God to the peripheral of our minds, this process has caused us to look to Him for help and hope. Thus we thank God for the way He is working through a difficult providence in our lives to point us back to our Creator and stand in awe of His power and love.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

~ David

Overwhelmed

Our 2 embryos after their transfer

Simply stated, I'm overwhelmed. No, it's more than that. I'm completely overwhelmed.

I'm overwhelmed by the flood of texts, calls, and messages of love and encouragement.

I'm overwhelmed by the many family members, friends, pastors, elders, and even acquaintances in Christ who continue to storm the gates of heaven on our behalf.

I'm overwhelmed by the caring nurses, embryologist, and kind doctor who treat me like a daughter, ready to greet me with hugs, excitement, and laughter.

I'm overwhelmed by God's grace and kindness to us.
 

I'm overwhelmed by hope.
 

I'm overwhelmed by the successful transfer of not only 1, but 2 little beautiful embryos.
 

I'm overwhelmed by God's perfect plan.
 

I'm overwhelmed by God's provision and His favor in each step of this process.
 

I'm overwhelmed by the first ultrasound picture of our little embryos.
 

I'm overwhelmed by the fact that we are pregnant for the first time.
 

Praise God for what He has done. His will is perfect and He can be trusted with our lives.
 

Pray that God sees fit to implant and grow these embryos into strong, healthy babies.

Pray that we continue to turn our trust, our affections, and our desires to Him alone. He is our prize and the one we long for above all.

~ Paige

Tomorrow Is A Big Day For Us

Tomorrow is a big day for us. Around noon tomorrow, Wednesday, September 14, Dr. Johnson will take not one, but two of our embryos and transfer them into Paige's uterus in hopes that they will implant and a result in a pregnancy. This procedure tomorrow is the culmination of five years of the doctors consultations, appointments, medications, shots, medical bills, insurance claims, sleepless nights, long conversations, crying, and prayers. LOTS of prayers.

Tomorrow is a big day for us. But we are only at this place because God has seen fit to answer the countless prayers that so many of our family, church family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers have sent to heaven on our behalf. While only a small fraction of those prayers are known to us, every one of them, even the inaudible ones that never reached the lips, have been heard by our omniscient, prayer-answering God. We are so thankful for the ability to pray to the almighty God; to have the Holy Spirit work in our hearts to make sense of our groanings, to know that Jesus our Great High Priest is interceding for us and presenting our requests to the Father on our behalf. Prayer is truly a means of grace, and we are only at this place in our journey because God's people are a praying people.

Tomorrow is a big day for us. In many ways, it's the second biggest day of our married life, the first being July 16, 2005, when we both said 'I do' to a life-long, Christ-centered marriage. Little did we know on that hot Saturday afternoon 11 years ago that years of childlessness awaited us. These years would bring both joy and pain, struggles with sadness but also areas of growth. These years have certainly not been easy, but in this testing of our faith we have learned how to trust God through suffering. 

Tomorrow is a big day for us. No matter what happens, though, God remains the same: most holy, most wise, most loving, gracious, and merciful. Jeremiah 31:3 says, “... I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” God's love and faithfulness to us His children is eternal. So whatever happens tomorrow, on this big day for us, we know this to be true: God is sovereign and good, and we entrust our lives and our future to Him.

Thank you again to all who have prayed and continue to pray. May God receive the glory.

~ David & Paige

Our Faithful God

When was the last time you stopped to consider the faithfulness of God in your life? Just think back upon the past few weeks or months or years; or decades even. If you zoom out and refocus, can't you see the faithful hand of God working through the providences of your life?

Whenever I walk through a mental and spiritual exercise like this, I'm forced to praise God for His goodness to me in giving me so much more than I deserve. My salvation alone – God's free grace demonstrated through the sacrifice of His own Son on behalf of a wretch like me – is enough to cause me to praise God for eternity. And indeed I will! Still He's given me temporal blessings beyond this eternal blessing: health, civil freedom, education, financial stability, a beautiful wife, a biblical church, friends and family, a house, means of transportation, and countless other mercies in this life.

All along the way throughout my short life, I can see the hand of a faithful God working in and guiding my life. Proverbs 16:9 tells us that this is exactly how God operates:

"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps."

Even in the times where I didn't know what God was doing, I could never doubt His faithfulness. One Puritan pastor, Edward Pearce, wrote this encouraging thought for the Christian:

“Poor soul, whoever you are, who are one of the Lord’s people, look back to the eternal counsels and purposes of His love towards you, and you will find them a great deep, a fountain of infinite sweetness. In them you will see heaps of love and treasures of grace; and then turn your eye to the promises of His covenant, which you will find inexpressibly sweet and exactly suitable to your condition, to all your wants, and then know assuredly that the whole, both of the one and the other, shall be accomplished to you in due season. It is true indeed, His counsels may seem to us to be frustrated, and His promises may for a time be deferred and delayed, insomuch that our hasty unbelieving hearts may be ready to conclude that they will never be accomplished, saying with the psalmist, “Does his promise fail for evermore?” (Psa 77:8). But, soul, wait a while, and they shall all be made good to a tittle.”

Indeed, it's easy to become impatient when God's blessings are deferred, delayed, or altogether withheld. But all that God has promised will come to pass. He is faithful to His Word.

A year ago this week Paige and I were visiting with some friends who, like us, have struggled with conceiving. My friend, the husband, reminded us of something very important, and it’s this: Just as we know that all that God promises will come to pass, we need to likewise acknowledge that if God hasn’t explicitly promised it, then we have no room for certainty in it nor right to claim it as our own. And the gift of childbearing is just one example of this. God has promised us many things in Christ His Son, but we should not presume upon His grace and expect that which He has not promised us.

This has been helpful for us to remember as we think about out situation. God hasn't promised us children, therefore we shouldn't expect Him to grant that blessing to us. Instead, we need to recognize that He has already given us everything we need right now.

The Psalmist put it like this:

“The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.” Psalm 34:10

The Puritan Thomas Watson said it like this:

"If it is good for us, we shall have it; if it is not good for us, then the withholding of it is good." (All Things For Good)

And what about the assurance given to us by the Holy Spirit through the Apostle Peter in 2 Peter 1:3–

"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness..." 

So for those of us who have been bought by the blood of Jesus, God is telling us that according to Him, we already have all that we need for today, all we need for right now, for both this life and for eternity. If we think there are blessings that God owes us, something that maybe He's forgotten to give us, or painful circumstances that He should be taking away from us, then we're just wrong. God doesn't owe us a thing; and yet He's already given us all that we need in Christ Jesus!

“Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.” 1 Peter 4:19

~ David