The Benefits of Childlessness: Final Thoughts

In this short series of posts, I have sought to show three areas of life where childless couples can see the blessings of God, even in their childlessness: Marriage, Ministry, and Money. I have intended to write these thoughts as an encouragement to people like us who are struggling—or have struggled—with infertility.

If nothing else, I have sought to bring perspective.

Paige and I have some dear friends who recently reminded us of something critical to our spiritual well-being: Though we don't have children, we have so much already. This is such a helpful perspective.

Before I continue, though, let me put this plainly: Perspective does not remove the hurt. It only tempers the pain.

I mention this disclaimer because sometimes I think that when others make comments like "It could be worse," or "At least you have [a cute dog/big house/nice car/nieces and nephews/etc.]!" or "Aren't you glad you aren't struggling with a terminal disease like he/she is?..." they expect us then to be rid of all the hurt and be filled with good cheer. But in my experience, that's a false expectation. Perspective doesn't work that way.

Perspective simply serves to help us take our eyes off of ourselves, if even for a moment. And this is good for us mentally, emotionally, and most of all, spiritually. Consider these examples of perspective from the Bible:

The Psalmist Asaph, in Psalm 73, was given perspective from God when he went into the sanctuary and then discerned the Lord's judgment on the wicked and mercy upon the righteous.

And in 2 Corinthians 4:8, 9 & 16-18, the Apostle Paul acknowledges our affliction, discouragement, persecution, and physical deterioration; but he continues to provide long-term, Christ-centered perspective for his readers:

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal" (2 Cor. 4:16-18).

And Paul again provides a more personal perspective on his life--and by extension, our own lives--in Philippians 3:7-9 writes,

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith..."

Truly, that perspective of Paul's which comes only by the power of the Holy Spirit working sanctifyingly in our loves through the Word of Christ, helps us count all of our wins and losses as "rubbish" when compared to our salvation in Christ. That above all else is the perspective we need to maintain throughout life.

Indeed, one thing we've sought to do during our days of internal struggle is to remind ourselves of God's abundant blessings in our lives. Instead of focusing our attention on the one thing we don't have, we've aimed to regularly take inventory of all that we do have, according to God's goodness.

Here's a sampling of our perspective on our life without children:

• We have our family of two: over 14 years of close friendship, 10+ years of marriage, and a deep love for each other rooted in our relationships with Christ.
• We have our parents and grandparents who have raised us in the fear and admonition of the Lord and have set the example of living for Christ.
• We have close relationships with our siblings who love the Lord and are walking with Him daily. 
• We have our church family through which we are shown love, taught truth, and held accountable. 
• We have friends--old and new--who encourage us in Christ and walk with us through both our sorrow and our joy.
• We have a beautiful house in a friendly community; two happy dogs; two working vehicles; careers we enjoy; money in the bank; food on the table; and healthy bodies with strength to serve the Lord and others. 
• But most of all, we have the gift of eternal salvation through the righteousness of Jesus Christ. What greater blessing could we ever ask for than to know Christ and Him crucified?!

I don't know if these posts on the Benefits of Childlessness have been encouraging to others, but it has certainly been encouraging to us to meditate upon the blessings of God in our lives, even while we wait for the blessing of children. May God receive the glory!

~ David