Yesterday was Father's Day. And to put it in admittedly unspiritual terms, it sucked.
That's all I could think to say through the tears as I drove home with my wife from a nice family lunch. What should have been a wonderful occasion celebrating my dad, my 91-year-old grandpa, and my younger brother on his first Father's Day as a dad himself, was a dismal day for me and Paige.
"How selfish of me," I'm still telling myself. "Don't be so sensitive."
But after more than a little self-examination, I really believe I went into Father's Day with the proper mindset. I sought to ensure my heart was right before I left for church in the morning, even the night before. I had spent time thanking the Lord for my dad. I thanked Him for my brother and the precious little gift God had given to Him barely two months ago. I prayed for the worship service that morning and for focus as I sat under the preaching of God's Word. And I prayed for strength, not knowing just how much strength I would actually need on this given Father's Day.
Our church service was blessed by God from start to finish. I left encouraged by the Spirit of Christ and excited for the family lunch to follow. But somehow, for some reason, our family lunch brought with it feelings of isolation and pain. And that's crazy, because I have such a warm and loving family! But as much as I tried to enter in on the family festivities around our meal together, I felt something missing.
Fatherhood, I assume: The life experience of every other male at that table. That's what I was missing.
And so it is, by God's design. While I don't always understand it, I can trust in a God Who does all things right and for the good of those who love Him. And even in my unsanctified, overly sensitive, selfish moments of tearful "This sucks!" cries, I can't help but remember that God's grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in my weakness.
~David
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