In Good Company

Throughout our infertility journey, I have found comfort reflecting on women in the Bible who were also barren for a season. In studying these women, I found it interesting how their lives and their children's lives played a unique role in Biblical history, as they ultimately point us to Christ. 

Sarah

Sarah and Abraham received a specific promise from God that they would bear children who would make up a great nation. However, even with this specific promise, they struggled to wait, to trust, and to rest. They tried to obtain this promise on their own through deceit and a surrogate. Yet God was still gracious, despite their sin. After 25 years of waiting, Sarah gave birth to a son named Isaac who became part of the lineage of Christ (Genesis 21). 

Rebekah

Rebekah and Isaac longed for children and endured 20 years of infertility. While they did not receive a specific promise from God as Sarah and Abraham, Isaac prayed fervently for his wife and she gave birth to twin boys, Jacob and Esau. This story most clearly depicts God's plan for redeeming a people to Himself, to choose by grace and not merit, for Jacob He loved and Esau He hated. We also see how powerful prayer is in a believer's life and the importance of a praying husband. Rebekah and Isaac's son Jacob would give rise to the great nation promised to Abraham, and 12 of his sons would become the 12 tribes of Israel (Genesis 25). 

Rachel

Rachel's story is a painful one, with so much waiting and heartache. Rachel endures great anguish as she watches her sister Leah give birth to not only one, but six children. So hard! We learn many things from Rachel. We learn that the pain of infertility runs deep causing grief and depression. We learn the importance of ridding ourselves of idol worship and being satisfied in God alone. Rachel named her first child Joseph, meaning "give me another." Rachel then died in childbirth with her second son. But how merciful God is! Rachel's story shows us that despite our sin, our idol worship, and ugliness, He is still gracious to give us good gifts, even gifts we desire, that He may receive all the glory. Rachel's son, Joseph would later save His family, God's people, from famine and death (Genesis 30). 

Manoah's Wife

We are not given her name, but we know she was barren. The angel of the Lord visited her and proclaimed that though she was barren she would have a son and this son would begin to save the Israelites from the Philistines. The Israelites were in great distress after doing what was evil in the sight of the Lord and had been given over to the Philistines. Manoah's wife was also in great distress for she was barren and "bearest not." And God came to both Israel and Manoah's wife in their deepest affliction. Matthew Henry remarks, "God often sends comfort to His people very seasonably, when they feel most from their troubles." Manoah's son, Samson, was a type of Christ who came to deliver God's people, and again God used a once barren woman to bring relief to His people (Judges 13).

Hannah

Hannah. One of my favorites, and probably because God allows us to observe her struggles a little closer than the others. For some reason, God focuses the lens on Hannah's life for us, and this focus is beautiful. Hannah teaches us to be patient under affliction, to listen to our husbands, to be fervent in prayer, to heed reproof, to remain composed when persecuted, and to leave our sorrows with God. She did not harden herself in sadness and bitterness but entered the Throne of Grace, emotions and all, in prayer. We see again how difficult infertility truly is and we see God comforting His child as she cried out to him in desperation. We too, can cry out to God in distress, with raw emotions and openness. He will be there to answer, to comfort, and to heal. Hannah's son, Samuel, would become the last and greatest judge of Israel (1 Samuel 1). (Here is a sermon David recently preached on Hannah and her prayerful faith.) 

Elizabeth

Elizabeth and Zechariah were known as the Lord's ministers. They were faithful. They kept God's commands. They served. Their uprightness was evident in their speech, their love towards others, and their devotion to the Lord and His people. Yet they were childless. Elizabeth was barren and as they aged they began to despair. Zechariah was seen constantly at the temple in prayer, lifting up his heart to God. And it was here that the angel of the Lord appeared to him and revealed that his prayers had been heard and he would soon bear a son.

"Prayers of faith are filed in heaven, and are not forgotten, though the thing prayed for is not presently given in." Matthew Henry

Again, we see the importance and power of prayer to bring about the miracle of new life in the barren woman. Elizabeth's son, John the Baptist, would prepare the way of Lord (Luke 1).

God cares about the barren woman. He takes time to specifically speak about infertility in His Word. He makes it clear that He and He alone has the power to open and close the womb, and He does so for very unique purposes that display His glory. This gives me great peace, knowing God is in control and just as He could be trusted with the lives of the women in the Bible, He can be trusted with my life too. 

~ Paige

A Mother's Day Poem for the Non-Mother

I started this poem two Mother's Days ago and have been meaning to finish it ever since. But every time I've sat down to wrap it up, I find it difficult. Like emotionally difficult. So I'm posting it as is, without much of a conclusion. In some ways that just seems to fit our story anyway...still waiting to find the conclusion of our own life's infertility poem. 

~David

It's Mother's Day again today.

(My heart hurts for her.)

She's the one so put together 

From her feet up to her face

She's smiling 

She's hiding

Her desire to embrace 

A child

Her own 

To be a mother with a home.

It's Mother's Day again today.

(Always on a Sunday.)

She's the one so put together

But with tear lines on her face

She's smiling

She's striving

To not feel out of place

A mother

Not yet

But praying she'll be next.

 

It's Mother's Day again...

 

IVF: I'm Worried

I'm worried about my doctors appointments.
I'm worried about the medications.
I'm worried about being worried.

I'm worried about not getting pregnant.
I'm worried about getting pregnant.
I'm worried about being worried.

I'm worried about our finances, infertility is expensive.
I'm worried about investing in something that may yield no return.
I'm worried about being worried.

I'm worried about miscarrying or having an unhealthy baby.
I'm worried about what Google says, are those accurate statistics?
I'm worried about being worried.

I'm worried about David, is he eating the right things?
I'm worried about my diet, am I exercising enough?
I'm worried about being worried.

I'm worried about what people think.
I'm worried about doing the right thing, or the wrong thing.
I'm worried about being worried.

My anxieties are multiplying.
My emotions are out of control!

But then I came into your sanctuary,
Where you hold my right hand, where You guide me with your counsel,
And there my worries fade.

You remind me that You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
You draw near to me and I'm no longer worried about being worried.

You satisfy. You calm. You quiet. You restore.
I'm no longer worried about being worried.

Lord, Teach me to trust You, to keep my eyes on You, to hide beneath the shelter of Your wings.
Melt away my fears and my worries, turn my heart to You and You alone.

~ Paige

IVF: The Next Step in Our Journey

After much thought, prayer, and conversations with “a multitude of counselors” (Prov.11:14, 15:22), we have decided to pursue IVF as we continue trusting the Lord. 

IVF is an abbreviation for in vitro fertilization, a process in which an egg is removed and fertilized by the sperm outside the womb to then be transferred back into the uterus. (That’s the super-simplified version of it, at least!) The entire process—from a regimen of medications to the actual egg retrieval and fertilization to the transfer—will likely take a few months. Lord-willing, we should know by sometime in July whether or not God has answered our prayer for a pregnancy.

Please continue to join us in prayer. We NEED your prayers, and probably now more than ever. Here are a few specific prayer requests:

1. Pray that God will keep us from allowing our desire for children to become idolatry. It’s so easy for us to make a good thing a bad thing, isn’t it? We know that God has called childbearing good (Psalm 127), and while we desire this blessing for ourselves, we must not let it become the sole desire of our hearts. Since we first came to terms with our struggle infertility, we have sought to keep our eyes on Christ, our blessed hope and eternal joy. Please pray that we will persevere in resisting temptation and loving our Savior above all.
2. Pray that God will give us wisdom and discernment. Even as we have studied the science, sought counsel, prayed, and planned our way forward as best as we know how, there surely will be questions that will still arise even in the middle of this IVF process. “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps” (Prov. 16:9). We see this specific medical means as a wisdom issue for us, and as such, we are dependent upon God for the continued wisdom to make the right decisions.
3. Pray that our doctor and his staff would see Christ in us. Our struggles aren’t meaningless. In fact, not only are they working for our good (Rom. 8:28) and preparing us for glory (2 Cor. 4:17), they are also an opportunity to be light to those around us (Matt. 5:16). Pray specifically for the salvation of Dr. Johnson, as well as the nurses, lab workers, and staff in his office.
4. Finally, pray that God will bless us with a child. So many of you have encouraged us over the past few years simply by praying for us. We look forward to the day that we can praise God with you for His goodness to us in answering our prayers for children. As Paul said in 2 Corinthians 1:11, “You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.” Please pray even now that God would not only open the womb, but also see fit to bless us with a safe pregnancy, a healthy child, and that He would save our future son or daughter at a young age. Our God can do all these things, and we entrust our lives to Him.

For those who have lifted us up in prayer before the throne of God's grace, we can’t thank you enough! May God receive all the glory.

Trusting Him,

David & Paige

Opening Up About Infertility: A Husband's Take

I'll admit: I never wanted to talk about it. I didn't even think to consider the possibility. Infertility? No way; not us!

I think they call that denial. Ya, I was there. For almost two years I denied the possibility of infertility. I didn't want the label. As the prideful man I am, I didn't want the stigma (...whatever that means). But reality hurts. Especially when doctors (plural) shared with us the reality of our situation packaged in official-sounding medical terms.

"Unexplained infertility."

The diagnosis was handed down like a judge issuing a guilty verdict. And like a defendant hearing the words pronounced with such authority, I immediately began planning my appeal: "We just need to try harder, more often...or pray more fervently...or take more vitamins...or get more sleep...or escape the stress and go on vacation...or, or..." I argued internally. As the prideful man I am, I didn't want the stigma; but as the prideful man I am, I needed the humility. And of course, God, the ultimate Judge over all, knew that.

After some slow learning (which seems to typify more than this one area of my life), I finally listened to my wife. She had been hinting, suggesting, and gently prodding for months that we open up about this to more people who were close to us. But up to that point I don't think we had told anyone outside of our immediate family that we were struggling to get pregnant. I still partly disbelieved and partly felt embarrassed. It was hard enough for me to open up and be so vulnerable with those who knew me best, even my own family. So why would I want to extend the circle of vulnerability any wider?

Meanwhile, with every passing doctors appointment, the internal struggle was growing. The pain was becoming more and more real for me. I couldn't just fix this area of my life as if it were a dent in the drywall. And as much as I hurt, I could see my wife hurting even more. That's probably what caused me to break. The emotional burden I was carrying on behalf of both of us was simply more than I could carry on my own.

In all of this, God was growing me in my dependence upon Him. And so we opened up.

Slowly we began telling those who were outside our immediate family but still near and dear to us. We started with our church elders. We met with them for a time of special prayer since they are those who "keep watch over our souls (Hebrews 13:17)." And as time went on, we were encouraged to hear from these men that they were praying for us regularly.

We continued widening the circle by telling close friends. We had a handful of dear friends - many of them almost like family to us - now praying for us regularly, texting us Bible verses, sending us encouraging notes. I began seeing the trend, the cause-and-effect relationship between the circumference of the circle and the amount of prayer and encouragement we received.

So we widened the circle further to include our church family. Now, I must admit, this was harder for me. Telling our church meant that a whole bunch more people who knew us well and who saw us at least once a week would know one of the most intimate things about our lives. (Or, that's at least how I thought about it.) And yes, even after opening up and asking our church body for prayer in this regard, there were those careless comments from well-meaning folks. But God has provided us the grace to grin and bear it knowing that this is simply a part of the character-building process. And ultimately, having our entire church praying for us has truly been a blessing of tremendous size. (More on this later.)

Finally, we've opened up to others outside of these circles; not necessarily strangers, per se, but acquaintances providentially placed in our path by God. In doing this God has given us various resources that we wouldn't have known about but for sharing our story with someone: doctor recommendations, treatment options, and just general education about this specific struggle. Most importantly, perhaps, we've had unique opportunities to share God's truth, with infertility acting as the conversation starter for something more meaningful. For example, I recently had a coworker - knowing what Paige and I are going through because I shared it - comment to me about how genuine my faith seems as I deal with this difficult trial. And so God has even used those outside our family, pastors, close friends, and church body to encourage us and glorify Himself. How humbling.  

Now, don't get me wrong: I still struggle with talking about this sometimes. By no means have I found victory over pride. (Is that even possible this side of glory??) It's hard. Maybe because infertility just isn't something you hear people talking about very publicly. But it's more common than realized. According to a Center for Disease Control study, 1 in 8 couples in the US have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. That's not an insignificant amount! And yet here I am still getting used to talking about such a common issue. May God provide me with the needed humility, grace, and strength, especially as I seek to lead my wife and be an example to others.

In another post I'll share some of the benefits that have come from opening up about infertility. But for now, if you're struggling with infertility - or any other trial of life - I encourage you to open up about it. And if you're a guy - a husband perhaps - get past any remaining denial, man up, and start sharing your struggle! Chances are, you can't fix it on your own. So get help! Humble yourself and ask others for prayer, and may the Lord grant you comfort and encouragement.

~David

Today I Cried in Front of My Boss.

I wrote the following thoughts after a difficult day at work last September. I didn't know at the time if I would ever publish it, but here goes...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

For right or for wrong, I have always tried to keep a wall of separation between my work life and my personal life. Today that wall came tumbling down. 

Today I cried in front of my boss at work. In a one-on-one meeting. Like cry cry - tears, snot, red eyes for the rest of the day. It was ugly!

If I listed all of the most embarrassing moments of my professional career in any job I've ever had, today's melodrama would sit at the top of that large heap of horrendous experiences.

Humbled. That's the best word I can find to describe it. Completely and miserably humbled. 

I suppose I needed that - both the cry and the humbling. More so the humbling, if I had to guess. The Lord knows how full of pride I am. Though I so often want to be perceived as the strong one, the unhurting human, the logical, emotionless rock, in reality I'm not any of those things. And despite my best efforts at pretending, I was painfully reminded of that truth today. 

How did God choose to show me both my sinful arrogance and my need for Him today? By letting me cry like a helpless baby in front of my boss.

I've run out of words for now. Maybe I'll close in prayer: "Dear Lord, Thank you...?"

~David

The Benefits of Childlessness: Final Thoughts

In this short series of posts, I have sought to show three areas of life where childless couples can see the blessings of God, even in their childlessness: Marriage, Ministry, and Money. I have intended to write these thoughts as an encouragement to people like us who are struggling—or have struggled—with infertility.

If nothing else, I have sought to bring perspective.

Paige and I have some dear friends who recently reminded us of something critical to our spiritual well-being: Though we don't have children, we have so much already. This is such a helpful perspective.

Before I continue, though, let me put this plainly: Perspective does not remove the hurt. It only tempers the pain.

I mention this disclaimer because sometimes I think that when others make comments like "It could be worse," or "At least you have [a cute dog/big house/nice car/nieces and nephews/etc.]!" or "Aren't you glad you aren't struggling with a terminal disease like he/she is?..." they expect us then to be rid of all the hurt and be filled with good cheer. But in my experience, that's a false expectation. Perspective doesn't work that way.

Perspective simply serves to help us take our eyes off of ourselves, if even for a moment. And this is good for us mentally, emotionally, and most of all, spiritually. Consider these examples of perspective from the Bible:

The Psalmist Asaph, in Psalm 73, was given perspective from God when he went into the sanctuary and then discerned the Lord's judgment on the wicked and mercy upon the righteous.

And in 2 Corinthians 4:8, 9 & 16-18, the Apostle Paul acknowledges our affliction, discouragement, persecution, and physical deterioration; but he continues to provide long-term, Christ-centered perspective for his readers:

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal" (2 Cor. 4:16-18).

And Paul again provides a more personal perspective on his life--and by extension, our own lives--in Philippians 3:7-9 writes,

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith..."

Truly, that perspective of Paul's which comes only by the power of the Holy Spirit working sanctifyingly in our loves through the Word of Christ, helps us count all of our wins and losses as "rubbish" when compared to our salvation in Christ. That above all else is the perspective we need to maintain throughout life.

Indeed, one thing we've sought to do during our days of internal struggle is to remind ourselves of God's abundant blessings in our lives. Instead of focusing our attention on the one thing we don't have, we've aimed to regularly take inventory of all that we do have, according to God's goodness.

Here's a sampling of our perspective on our life without children:

• We have our family of two: over 14 years of close friendship, 10+ years of marriage, and a deep love for each other rooted in our relationships with Christ.
• We have our parents and grandparents who have raised us in the fear and admonition of the Lord and have set the example of living for Christ.
• We have close relationships with our siblings who love the Lord and are walking with Him daily. 
• We have our church family through which we are shown love, taught truth, and held accountable. 
• We have friends--old and new--who encourage us in Christ and walk with us through both our sorrow and our joy.
• We have a beautiful house in a friendly community; two happy dogs; two working vehicles; careers we enjoy; money in the bank; food on the table; and healthy bodies with strength to serve the Lord and others. 
• But most of all, we have the gift of eternal salvation through the righteousness of Jesus Christ. What greater blessing could we ever ask for than to know Christ and Him crucified?!

I don't know if these posts on the Benefits of Childlessness have been encouraging to others, but it has certainly been encouraging to us to meditate upon the blessings of God in our lives, even while we wait for the blessing of children. May God receive the glory!

~ David

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

The fact that life is hard was not a surprise to us when we entered adulthood.

Our parents—always honest, always loving—prepared us early in life for the difficult times ahead. Just as a conscientious mother dresses her son in a warm jacket, hat, and boots before letting him go out and play in the snow, so our parents prepared us for the dark, frigid days that we would face in adulthood. After fastening our feet with trust in a loving and sovereign God, our parents capped our heads with a biblical worldview, wrapped us in prayers, and sent us into the cold world outside.

Almost a decade-and-a-half later, a full 10-plus years in the world of grown-up life, Paige and I find ourselves continually grateful for the ways our parents prepared us for the bitter days of life's winters.

"Trust in the Lord," they would say with a smile.
"God is good," they would encourage. 

"It builds character," they would remind.

But the best thing our parents ever told us was that we were sinners in need of a Savior. 

By showing us Christ—in both Gospel words and their examples of Christlike-living—they gave us the greatest gift a parent could ever give their child. They gave us the Words of Life. 

God saved both Paige and I through our parents' ministry to us in the home—through their prayers, their tears, and their words of Truth. They told us that life wouldn't be a walk in the park, and they were right. But they best prepared us for that reality by introducing us to Jesus Whose yoke is easy and Whose burden is light. 

And by looking to Jesus through eyes of faith, given to us undeserving sinners by a God of abundant grace, we recognize that our suffering in this world is nothing compared to Christ's suffering on our behalf at the cross of Calvary. Because He suffered for us, our suffering is "light and momentary," as Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:17, and it is preparing us for a glorious eternity with our Savior.     

So we thank the Lord for giving us parents who prepared us for the difficult days of life. And most of all, we thank God for giving us Jesus Christ, our eternal Hope.

~David

Holidays Are Hard

Holidays are hard. And they sometimes sneak up on us. We don't expect them to be hard. We look forward to them. We plan for them. We decorate. We make a side dish. We look forward to time with family. The holiday arrives. We are excited to see family and friends, eat good food, and engage in the festivities. We enjoy the day.

And yet there is something there, an underlying nagging, a twinge of pain. All day, we work to push it aside, but it remains. We celebrate. We participate in the day. We love the conversation, the laughs, the fun. Yet at the end of the day, when all is done, we just want to cry. The underlying nagging, that twinge of pain takes over and the tears flow. And we think, "where is this coming from?" We think, "this day was wonderful and we had such a beautiful time...how could we feel so lonely and sad?"

But as a good friend reminded me today, those feelings were really always there; they are a part of grief. And that's okay. It's okay to be sad and to hurt and to cry.

But how do we respond to these feelings? Do we act out in anger? Do we become impatient with others? Do we allow bitterness to take hold? Do we resent others who have what we desire and in turn isolate ourselves from them?....Or do we look to Christ, the Incarnate God? Do we see His hand in all these things? Do we reflect on the true meaning of the holiday we are celebrating?

So on this day, the day after Thanksgiving, I will choose to give thanks to God in every circumstance. Are there still tears? Yes! But in the sadness, I'm reminded there can also be true joy and thankfulness. For our joy is only in Him. He is the true reason for the gratitude found deep in our hearts.

Happy Thanksgiving!

One more thing...

I found the following excerpt on a blog called The Carry Camp. It briefly explains well the feelings that come with infertility on a holiday, so I wanted to share. Hope it's helpful!

Be sensitive on holidays: Mother’s Day hurts. Christmas finds us wishing we had a little one to watch unwrap gifts. Thanksgiving brings about those feelings of, “I thought for sure we’d have an announcement to make by this year,” birthdays remind us that another year has passed without a baby, and on it goes. Please be extra sensitive and aware on holidays. We desperately want to enjoy family time and have fun celebrating, but sometimes our emotions get the best of us. You can show you care by giving us extra grace. A pat on the back, an extra long hug, or just some kind words go a long way. Holidays aren’t necessarily the best time to ask if we’re okay because we don’t really want to dissolve into a puddle of tears in front of the whole family. But they are a good time to schedule that coffee date.

~Paige

The Benefits of Childlessness: Money

This post is part of an on-going series on the Blessings of Childlessness. For an introduction to the series, click here. So far we've looked at Marriage and Ministry as areas of God's blessings to childless couples. The third and final area I want to consider is Money.

Paige and I entered into our marriage relationship with nothing. Errr—scratch that. We had debt. I guess debt is something.

We learned many important lessons about money and financial stewardship early in our married life. Unfortunately, like many young couples, we had to learn some of those lessons the hard way—through job difficulties, credit card balances, car payments, etc. Still we are no experts in money matters, but God has taught us through the difficult experiences and He’s surrounded us with a multitude of wise counselors (Proverbs 11:14, 15:22).

Since early in our marriage, God has blessed us both with stable, long-standing employment. God has seen fit—according to His good and perfect will—to bless Paige and I with jobs that not only pay the bills, but are enjoyable and personally fulfilling. In our positions at work, as we've sought to labor heartily as for the Lord and not for men, we have both received financial blessings from God through promotions and new opportunities over the years. Through the means of regular, rewarding employment, God has provided for us financially. We acknowledge that and give Him all the praise. And as an obedient response to the Lord's generosity toward us, we are called to be good stewards of what we've been given. Furthermore, I believe stewardship falls into these categories which I will unpack below: Wise investments, good & proper uses, generosity to the local church, and generosity to others.

Wise Investment: Minimizing Debt & Investing Long-term

(Full disclosure: We are not 100% debt-free. It's a goal we hope to someday realize, but it is not a present reality.)

From what I hear, children are expensive little blessings. Not having children actually deletes a number of line items from the expense sheet of our household budget. And so we recognize as a benefit of childlessness the ability to use the money that other families may spend on baby furniture, clothes, accessories, food, diapers, etc. to pay down debt and invest in the future.

Are we financially independent? No. But we are comfortable and content. We have been able to pay cash for both of our [used] cars, some major expenses (a new computer, tablet, backyard landscaping, etc.), and some extended vacations. A couple of years ago we were able to build a beautiful new home that is quite large for our current family size. And we were able to purchase this home without having to sell our previous home. In many ways, it's our dream home and we plan to be here for many years. We see it as a long-term investment. Already, we have been able to use the home God has given us to show hospitality to our church family, our unsaved neighbors, and currently to Paige's brother who is living with us while he goes to college.

In making big, important, money-related decisions like those listed above, we try to answer three basic questions:

1.) Is this a good and proper use?

2.) Is this a potential investment? (In other words, will this pay for itself or generate future income?)

3.) Can we do this without a loan or any other form of indebtedness?

If the answer to #1 is no, than obviously we shouldn't do it. If the answer to #2 is yes, then we will most likely move forward; if the answer is no, then we may or may not move froward, depending on what it is. (For instance, while it may be a good and proper use, it's difficult for a vacation to pay for itself. But we will not go into debt to take a vacation; that's what a savings fund is for!) If the answer to #3 is no, then we will most likely steer clear. (One of the only exceptions we've allowed for this rule is the purchase of real estate.)

I recognize that this is all very basic and many families with children do similar with their finances. But the reason I outline this here is because we believe that it's extremely important for us to be diligent with our money in these days without children so that if God one day fills our house with little, expensive blessings, we will be as equipped as we can be financially-speaking.

Quality Time

I once had a coworker who was older than me by about 10 years and married with 2 kids. More than a few times he sought to persuade me to invest in "things." He called them "toys"--a new truck, dirt bikes and ATVs, jet skis, even a boat. While I love the outdoors and wouldn't mind owning a few of those "toys," Paige and I long ago made a conscious decision as a family to spend our money on making memories and not filling our house with "toys." For us, quality time together has been one of married life's most precious rewards.

There are many ways a married couple can spend quality time together. While a couple can get creative and do dozens of different activities relatively inexpensively, the unfortunate reality is that many enjoyable activities cost a pretty penny. Travel, spontaneous date nights, fancy dinners, sporting events, concerts & plays--we've been able to enjoy many of these pleasures of life without having to worry too much about the cost...or finding a babysitter. And so we recognize that one of the benefits of childlessness for us is using our money to invest in spending time with each other. And for us, time with each other also includes time together in church on Sundays and investing in the church's ministry.

Generosity to the Local Church

As I mentioned in the last post, I think that investing in the ministry of the local church is essential for healthy Christian living.

In his book, What Is A Healthy Church Member?, Thabiti Anyabwile explains that, for one, a healthy church member is a committed church member. And one of the ways a committed church member shows his commitment is by financially supporting the work of the local church ministry. Pastor Anyabwile writes, "He should follow the example of the Macedonians, who committed to a financial strategy that was sacrificial, generous, increasing over time, and fueled by faith in God despite present circumstances (2 Cor. 8-9)." Indeed, financial generosity to Christ's church should be of utmost importance for the believer.

Generosity to Others

Finally, not having children of our own has given us greater freedom to bless others. This has taken a variety of forms at different times throughout our marriage. Sometimes it might be donating to a friends' children's educational expenses; or maybe it's supporting a cause that's important to us; or sometimes it's just helping a fellow Christian in need.

I can think of one widow friend of ours who has exemplified this kind of unassuming generosity toward others for many years. She is extremely financially responsible, but she is also quite open-handed and helpful in times of need. She and others like her have been examples to us of what Paul quotes Jesus as saying in Acts 20:35, "It is more blessed to give than receive."

While we prayerfully wait to receive God's blessing of children--should that be His will for us--childless couples like us do well to remember that there is great joy in cheerful, open-handed giving.

~David