On Hearing Good News and a Mick Jagger Song

ON FRIDAY AFTERNOON, SEPTEMBER 23rd, I was sitting at my desk at work when Paige called. She had a blood test that morning, and we were just waiting for the results from the lab. It was just after noon when the doctor called her, and she in turn called me. So I was definitely expecting the call. Though we had waited over 5 years for children, those approximately 4 hours between the time of the blood test and the time of that phone call felt like some of the longest hours of our waiting.

When Paige finally called, I was sitting at my desk trying to channel what little focus I had that day on preparing for a big meeting I was to lead at 1:30. But as soon as that phone started vibrating on my desk, everything I had been working on quickly disappeared from my mind. In one smooth motion, I picked up the phone, started walking to an empty office about 20 feet from my desk, and touched the screen to answer.

"Hey there," I said nervously as I closed the door to the small room.

What exactly Paige said next I can't really remember. The specific words in that phone conversation are foggy now. But the gist of it I will never forget: Dr. Johnson had called and told Paige she was pregnant!

I think there was a short, silent pause as my serious face transformed into a smile. I chuckled awkwardly as I sat back in near-disbelief. (I wonder if that's similar to how Abram's wife Sarai felt when she first heard that she would conceive and give birth at her age.)

Could this be true? After so many years of trying—and crying to God in prayers—hearing those words felt like a fantasy. Like a dream I had dreamed many times over, but each time only to wake up to the reality of childlessness. Could all of that now be changed with this phone call? Was that dream finally becoming a reality?

Paige and I probably talked for less than 10 or 12 minutes, I'd guess. And in that moment of happy wonderment, we praised God together out loud. We took the time to thank the God to Whom we had prayed for so many years, to the One Who had now answered our prayers by giving us this pregnancy. As the joyful tears welled up in our eyes, exclamations such as "Praise God," "Thank you Jesus," and similar expressions fell from our lips.

We spent the last couple of minutes discussing our next steps: Who would call whom? We decided that each of us would call our respective parents and siblings, but would wait to communicate much wider than that until later in the afternoon, until after we had wrapped up with work. The call ended with an exchange of tender "I love yous."

In those next 30 minutes before my meeting, I made about 4 phone calls to my parents, brother, and 2 friends who had just inquired that morning. With each call the dream felt less like a dream. Yet it wasn't until the next day that the full realization of what was happening hit me. And it hit me in a rather odd way.

 

THE NEXT MORNING I was driving to see our friend's boys play their first tee-ball and baseball games. As I was driving down the freeway in my Jeep, I had the local Classic Rock station on, as is my Saturday morning custom. The morning weather seemed extra beautiful and the blue skies extra clear. A familiar tune came on, and I turned it up. The song started with a children's choir and fed into a raw male ballad accompanied by a simple acoustic guitar and french horn. The song built into a refrain, complete with percussion, organ, electric guitar, and more voices singing,

"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes,
You just might find
You get what you need."

There was nothing overtly spiritual about the famous Rolling Stones song. A beautiful, well-crafted song to be sure, but nothing meaningful about those words that should cause me to break into tears of joy the way I did.

Or perhaps because I had heard those words numerous times over the past 64 months, and they had resonated with the longing deep inside me: "You can't always get what you want." True, true. And ignoring the part about one's own efforts in trying, the last line also rings of Romans 8:28-truth for the believer: "You get what you need." Perhaps those snippets of thought affected my emotions right then.

Or maybe it was just the beautiful children's choir singing. That's probably more like it.

Whatever the reason, it was in that moment on the freeway as Mick Jagger sang those lines about 21 hours after I had received the long-anticipated good news from Paige, that reality hit me like the most welcome punch to my sternum:

WE ARE EXPECTING!

Finally.

~ David

Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow!

"The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." Psalm 126:3

We had our first ultrasound appointment today. We were filled with much anticipation and excitement to see our baby/babies at the earliest stages of development. It didn’t take long to see that there was not only 1 yolk sac but 2, meaning we are pregnant with TWINS!

We are amazed at what the Lord has done, and we are overjoyed. The doctor was very pleased as the measurements; they both looked great and are very similar in size, which is a good sign!

We have another ultrasound next week. We are praying to see 2 strong heartbeats. We know God is ultimately the Sustainer of life and so our hope is in Him. We know He is sovereign and these new lives are His. Yet this is just another exercise in trust for us, as much of life is.

Thank you for your continued prayers and love!

Praising God,

David & Paige

The Update We've All Been Waiting For

Paige is pregnant!
(Figured we should just cut to the chase.)

Paige had a blood test this morning and our doctor called with results this afternoon.

We are overjoyed and overflowing in our hearts with praise to the Lord! We worship a God Who hears the prayers of His people and faithfully answers them according to His perfect will and timing.

Obviously this is super early in the game.
Obviously there are still many unknowns.
Obviously there's still a long road ahead. 

But just as everything has been in the hands of God up until this point, so everything remains. And in this truth we take great comfort. We continue to trust in Him as we praise Him today for this exciting news!

We have a follow-up appointment next week with a second blood test to make sure that the levels are rising appropriately. We will continue to keep you updated as we go.

Thank you for praying with us and for us along this 5+ year journey. While this is certainly the milestone we've been praying for, the journey isn't over. So we ask for your continued prayers for a healthy pregnancy.

We love you.

Praising God!
~David & Paige

Two More Sleeps

I hear parents often say to their children, "Just three more sleeps until we get to do this...or five more sleeps until we get to do that." And the kids then display such a mix of emotions from excitement to anticipation to sadness because the day they are waiting for cannot come soon enough. Three or five or even two more sleeps seems like way too many!

This is how the last week has felt to me and I've resorted to telling time by the "number of sleeps." This coming Friday, in just two more sleeps, we'll know whether or not our two little embryos have implanted. The anticipation has been almost unbearable at times. Just like a little child, I've been overjoyed at times, sad a few minutes later and then filled with anticipation moments after that.

By far, this has been the hardest wait we have experienced to date. My doubts and fears overwhelm me and I've found myself in much prayer and meditation, crying out to God to give me grace and faith and a trust in Him no matter what the outcome. Lord, help my unbelief!

Oh restless heart, do not grow weary
Hold on to faith and wait
The God of love, He will not tarry
He is never late

So I wait in the promise
I wait in hope
Yes, I wait in the power
Of God's unending love

Be still and rest secure, my soul
He knows what's best for me
Here in my patience lies the goal
To wait and trust in Thee

So I wait in the promise
I wait in hope
Yes, I wait in the power
Of God's unending love

Even through my imperfections
His light is shining through
Though dim I am still a reflection
Of mercy and The truth

So I wait in the promise
I wait in hope
Yes, I wait in the power
Of God's unending love

-All Sons and Daughters

~ Paige

What Most Couples Don't See

At some point along this IVF journey, a part of me feared that it would all become routine; that I would get so caught up in the procedural elements of IVF and somehow miss the wonder of it all as God drifted to the peripheral.
 

But by God's grace, that didn't happen. In the middle of what seemed like the most important moment in our infertility journey thus far – the embryo transfer – God provided us with an awesome reminder that His is the hand that brings about new life.

As I sat there in the dimly lit room, save for the doctor's spotlight, I held Paige's hand and stared at the ultrasound screen. Nothing about it felt routine. 

And then we saw it.

After five years of struggling, waiting, and wondering what was to come, our eyes were now fixed on this fuzzy image of black and white. And as the doctor did his thing with the catheter, we watched as two dots of bright white on the screen seemed as if they were gracefully pushed out from a straw.

Those are our children. And had we never gone through this IVF process we would never have seen that moment. Few people have the privilege of watching that. But we did. And it caused us to worship.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

You see, the doctor could only go so far. He could position the tube in what seemed to be the most ideal place to drop the embryos. But just like he couldn't create the new strands of DNA that would be found in each embryo, neither could he now make the embryos implant. Medical science, with all of its advances in reproductive technology, is and will always be limited. Doctors and medicine can go only as far as God has said they can go. This has been freshly obvious to us through all of our fertility treatments.

Most of all, instead of pushing thoughts of God to the peripheral of our minds, this process has caused us to look to Him for help and hope. Thus we thank God for the way He is working through a difficult providence in our lives to point us back to our Creator and stand in awe of His power and love.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

~ David

Overwhelmed

Our 2 embryos after their transfer

Simply stated, I'm overwhelmed. No, it's more than that. I'm completely overwhelmed.

I'm overwhelmed by the flood of texts, calls, and messages of love and encouragement.

I'm overwhelmed by the many family members, friends, pastors, elders, and even acquaintances in Christ who continue to storm the gates of heaven on our behalf.

I'm overwhelmed by the caring nurses, embryologist, and kind doctor who treat me like a daughter, ready to greet me with hugs, excitement, and laughter.

I'm overwhelmed by God's grace and kindness to us.
 

I'm overwhelmed by hope.
 

I'm overwhelmed by the successful transfer of not only 1, but 2 little beautiful embryos.
 

I'm overwhelmed by God's perfect plan.
 

I'm overwhelmed by God's provision and His favor in each step of this process.
 

I'm overwhelmed by the first ultrasound picture of our little embryos.
 

I'm overwhelmed by the fact that we are pregnant for the first time.
 

Praise God for what He has done. His will is perfect and He can be trusted with our lives.
 

Pray that God sees fit to implant and grow these embryos into strong, healthy babies.

Pray that we continue to turn our trust, our affections, and our desires to Him alone. He is our prize and the one we long for above all.

~ Paige

Tomorrow Is A Big Day For Us

Tomorrow is a big day for us. Around noon tomorrow, Wednesday, September 14, Dr. Johnson will take not one, but two of our embryos and transfer them into Paige's uterus in hopes that they will implant and a result in a pregnancy. This procedure tomorrow is the culmination of five years of the doctors consultations, appointments, medications, shots, medical bills, insurance claims, sleepless nights, long conversations, crying, and prayers. LOTS of prayers.

Tomorrow is a big day for us. But we are only at this place because God has seen fit to answer the countless prayers that so many of our family, church family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers have sent to heaven on our behalf. While only a small fraction of those prayers are known to us, every one of them, even the inaudible ones that never reached the lips, have been heard by our omniscient, prayer-answering God. We are so thankful for the ability to pray to the almighty God; to have the Holy Spirit work in our hearts to make sense of our groanings, to know that Jesus our Great High Priest is interceding for us and presenting our requests to the Father on our behalf. Prayer is truly a means of grace, and we are only at this place in our journey because God's people are a praying people.

Tomorrow is a big day for us. In many ways, it's the second biggest day of our married life, the first being July 16, 2005, when we both said 'I do' to a life-long, Christ-centered marriage. Little did we know on that hot Saturday afternoon 11 years ago that years of childlessness awaited us. These years would bring both joy and pain, struggles with sadness but also areas of growth. These years have certainly not been easy, but in this testing of our faith we have learned how to trust God through suffering. 

Tomorrow is a big day for us. No matter what happens, though, God remains the same: most holy, most wise, most loving, gracious, and merciful. Jeremiah 31:3 says, “... I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” God's love and faithfulness to us His children is eternal. So whatever happens tomorrow, on this big day for us, we know this to be true: God is sovereign and good, and we entrust our lives and our future to Him.

Thank you again to all who have prayed and continue to pray. May God receive the glory.

~ David & Paige

Our Faithful God

When was the last time you stopped to consider the faithfulness of God in your life? Just think back upon the past few weeks or months or years; or decades even. If you zoom out and refocus, can't you see the faithful hand of God working through the providences of your life?

Whenever I walk through a mental and spiritual exercise like this, I'm forced to praise God for His goodness to me in giving me so much more than I deserve. My salvation alone – God's free grace demonstrated through the sacrifice of His own Son on behalf of a wretch like me – is enough to cause me to praise God for eternity. And indeed I will! Still He's given me temporal blessings beyond this eternal blessing: health, civil freedom, education, financial stability, a beautiful wife, a biblical church, friends and family, a house, means of transportation, and countless other mercies in this life.

All along the way throughout my short life, I can see the hand of a faithful God working in and guiding my life. Proverbs 16:9 tells us that this is exactly how God operates:

"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps."

Even in the times where I didn't know what God was doing, I could never doubt His faithfulness. One Puritan pastor, Edward Pearce, wrote this encouraging thought for the Christian:

“Poor soul, whoever you are, who are one of the Lord’s people, look back to the eternal counsels and purposes of His love towards you, and you will find them a great deep, a fountain of infinite sweetness. In them you will see heaps of love and treasures of grace; and then turn your eye to the promises of His covenant, which you will find inexpressibly sweet and exactly suitable to your condition, to all your wants, and then know assuredly that the whole, both of the one and the other, shall be accomplished to you in due season. It is true indeed, His counsels may seem to us to be frustrated, and His promises may for a time be deferred and delayed, insomuch that our hasty unbelieving hearts may be ready to conclude that they will never be accomplished, saying with the psalmist, “Does his promise fail for evermore?” (Psa 77:8). But, soul, wait a while, and they shall all be made good to a tittle.”

Indeed, it's easy to become impatient when God's blessings are deferred, delayed, or altogether withheld. But all that God has promised will come to pass. He is faithful to His Word.

A year ago this week Paige and I were visiting with some friends who, like us, have struggled with conceiving. My friend, the husband, reminded us of something very important, and it’s this: Just as we know that all that God promises will come to pass, we need to likewise acknowledge that if God hasn’t explicitly promised it, then we have no room for certainty in it nor right to claim it as our own. And the gift of childbearing is just one example of this. God has promised us many things in Christ His Son, but we should not presume upon His grace and expect that which He has not promised us.

This has been helpful for us to remember as we think about out situation. God hasn't promised us children, therefore we shouldn't expect Him to grant that blessing to us. Instead, we need to recognize that He has already given us everything we need right now.

The Psalmist put it like this:

“The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.” Psalm 34:10

The Puritan Thomas Watson said it like this:

"If it is good for us, we shall have it; if it is not good for us, then the withholding of it is good." (All Things For Good)

And what about the assurance given to us by the Holy Spirit through the Apostle Peter in 2 Peter 1:3–

"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness..." 

So for those of us who have been bought by the blood of Jesus, God is telling us that according to Him, we already have all that we need for today, all we need for right now, for both this life and for eternity. If we think there are blessings that God owes us, something that maybe He's forgotten to give us, or painful circumstances that He should be taking away from us, then we're just wrong. God doesn't owe us a thing; and yet He's already given us all that we need in Christ Jesus!

“Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.” 1 Peter 4:19

~ David

IVF Updates & Prayer Requests

The last you heard from us, we were moving ahead with IVF. That was back in April. But after we had made the decision to move forward in that process, God, working through providence, caused us to hit the pause button for the better part of the summer.

While this was quite discouraging for us at the time, we have continued to trust that His ways are vastly higher than ours. Our sovereign Creator knows the end from the beginning, His purpose is established (Isaiah 46:10), and we have no choice but to submit ourselves wholly to His perfect will. This has been both a humbling and sanctifying journey.

So we halted the process, enjoyed a very busy summer, and went back to the doctor at the end of July to try again.

Fast-forward to last week – God has been abundantly gracious in allowing us to officially begin the IVF process. Paige went in on Tuesday and endured egg retrieval surgery. We praise God for blessing that procedure by being with the doctor, nurses, and anesthesiologist. Most importantly, He kept Paige safe and healthy. And the surgery itself was a success as they were able to retrieve and then fertilize the right number of eggs. 

Long story short(er) – We currently have children!...albeit in their earliest embryonic forms.

What an amazing God we serve; the Grand Designer and our Great Physician! We've seen how He works through means like doctors and technicians, and we praise Him for His guidance thus far. But there's still a long road ahead. While we hope you are praising the Lord with us, we continue to solicit your prayers on our behalf.

Pray for wisdom. Surely there remain questions we have yet to answer in this IVF process, so we are dependent upon the Lord for guidance. 

Pray for our witness. We have sought to speak of our faith in Christ and our moral foundation of God's Word throughout this process. The doctor and his staff know where we stand in terms of our Christian ethics. But pray that God would continue to use us as salt and light among those with whom we come into contact.

Pray for a safe pregnancy and healthy childbirth. In this process, fertilized embryos do not equal a pregnancy, and a pregnancy, of course, does not necessarily equal a birth. And yet we are being so bold as to ask God for a safe pregnancy and healthy baby. We know that nothing is too big for God, and so we ask you to join us in prayer for these requests.

Thank you for joining us in this journey of ours, through your prayers and words of encouragement. Some of you have asked if you can do anything to help us right now; just keep praying. Please. We are humbled by your love and kindness. And no matter how God chooses to work in our lives, whether He gives us children or not, we hope that you will join us in praising God for His everlasting goodness and mercy to those of us who are His children.

Thank you again for your persistent prayers and loving support. God is using you to encourage us!

With much love,
David & Paige

IVF: The Egg Retrieval

I'm still in shock that our infertility journey has brought us to this point. If you'd have asked me 5 years ago if we'd ever consider IVF, I would have said, "No way! We'll get pregnant before we have to do anything that extensive."

But God. He had other plans. And here we are, just a few days after the egg retrieval, weaving our way through the IVF process.

Thankfully, by God's providence, we were delayed in starting the process a few months ago. This allowed us to clear our schedules as much as possible, minimize extra stressors, and devote more time to prayer.

After a busy summer, we started the first step of the process – again – taking birth control. When I pulled up to Walmart on that hot July afternoon to purchase the prescription, I almost cried. What girl trying to get pregnant wants to take birth control? Not me! But with the doctor's orders and the need to "calm down" the follicles that would soon produce eggs, I started the pill. 

This was not a fun experience. My body does not like birth control! My hormones were out of control, and I wanted to eat everything in sight. Unfortunately, my body did not react as it should, with calm, "deflated" follicles, but rather continued to function as usual as if I was not taking birth control at all. So with that, the doctor ordered a double dose of birth control every day.

With almost every exam, Dr. Johnson would say, "Well, Paige, you don't look frazzled yet. I keep expecting you to fall apart the next time I see you because of the increased doses you are taking!" And I'd laugh and think, "It's only by God's grace!" After about a week and a half (which seemed like an eternity), things were looking as they should and we were ready to proceed with the next step: more hormones!

About a week after finishing my last birth control pills, I started a series of injections and medications that would stimulate my ovaries to produce a greater number of eggs than a regular cycle in order to retrieve them and fertilize them for a later transfer. Amazing that this is even possible!

Throughout these 2 weeks of injections and medications, I had to visit the doctor's office every day for a transvaginal ultrasound and a blood test in order to monitor the results and adjust the injection dosage(s) if necessary. By the end of the 2 weeks, my arms were bruised and I felt like an oversized pincushion! Of course, the published list of side effects for the medications was extensive; the good news, however, was that I only experienced a few minor side effects such as anxiety, sadness, shortness of breath, sleeplessness, and bowel issues. Probably too much information, but I want to remember the details so I also remember how gracious God has been to me throughout every step of this process!

David's workbench, AKA our home pharmacy.

David did anything and everything that had to do with the shots. He got up early and mixed them every day. He administered the shots, disposed of the needles etc. etc. I could go on and on! I am very thankful for the part he played in this process as it relieved A LOT of the stress just knowing he was measuring the doses and making sure the injections were done properly.

After 10 days of injections, doctor's appointments, blood tests, and ultrasounds, the doctor determined I was ready for the egg retrieval based on the size of the follicles, and I was scheduled for surgery on August 16th. The doctor said it was as if my body was saying, "Let's hurry this process up. I'm ready to go." He said I progressed quickly, and things were looking very good.

Before retrieval I had to have 2 final shots to trigger ovulation so that I was ready to go for the procedure. One of them had to be given at 12:30AM, 2 nights prior to the procedure. I was too nervous I wouldn't wake up, so I forced myself to stay up until 12:30 and then woke David up in time to give me the injection. The final trigger shot was given by my doctor the next day and we were set to go for the 16th.

My view while waiting for egg retrieval surgery

We arrived at the Scottsdale office about an hour before the procedure to re-sign the consent forms, prep for surgery, meet with the anesthesiologist, and speak with the doctor. When I first arrived they took David back right away, and I was left in a small space with a curtain around me and silence. I started to get a little claustrophobic!

Thankfully, the doctor came in and realized I had been left alone, opened the curtain, found David so I wasn't alone, and told me not to worry because it would soon be all about me for at least the next hour or so.

Around 11:40AM after being hooked up to an IV, I walked myself to the operating room, got up on the table, had my legs strapped up in the air, and was ready to go. I was quite a sight I'm sure! I told all the nurses and staff in the operating room, "I guess all modesty is out the window now!" They laughed. I made sure to thank all of them for everything they were doing for us. One of the nurses started crying and another one said, "See! Our job is worth it!" It was sweet! The nurse that had been taking my blood every day came to Scottsdale just to be there with me for the procedure. The staff and doctor could not have had better bedside manner; they clearly understand the toll that this process takes on a couple.

The doctor came in just as the anesthesiologist put me under. I had wanted David to pray with me and the doctor but it didn't work out, so I decided I'd just tell the doctor I was praying for him. And I did! He leaned over, patted me on the side of my leg, and told me everything was going to be okay. (He probably thought I was just nervous and afraid I wasn't going to wake up, ha!)

About 45 minutes later the procedure was completed. I easily woke up and about an hour later left the office with pain meds, anti-nausea pills, and a very tired body.

The surgery was a success. We trust God that just the right number of eggs were retrieved, and that He will work His will in creating life. We are praising the Lord for answering our prayers thus far, and are hopeful for the days and months to come. 

~ Paige

Thankful for God's goodness so far!

Parenting as a Creation Ordinance

I've been meaning to share this sermon recommendation for many months now. I think it was late in 2014 that a friend in the same infertility boat as us sent this to me. It's a sermon by Pastor David Campbell, a pastor and friend of ours in Carlisle, Pennsylvania. And what an encouraging listen this was for me and Paige when we first heard it. I've listened to it a few times since and have been blessed with every listen.

This message is probably the most clear, most concise, most biblically-balanced and practically applicatory message I have ever heard dealing the topics of marriage, parenting, and infertility. Pastor Campbell faithfully expounds God's Word, upholding the 1689 London Baptist Confession's position on marriage's primary purpose (hint: it's not child-bearing), as he deals with issues stemming from the Creation Mandate (Genesis 1:28) and relevant to the church of today.

In this one sermon, Pastor Campbell addresses important, though often overlooked topics such as the role of childbearing in marriage, birth control, suffering with infertility, and a biblical understanding of Christian liberty. Most helpfully for people like us, Pastor Campbell provides words of comfort to the infertile couple by pointing them to the God of all comfort.

I recommend this message to you for at least these two reasons:

1. To be informed. Listen carefully and learn as Pastor Campbell explains what God intended when He created man and woman and gave them specific duties. Hopefully you will, as we did, come to a better understanding of Genesis 1:28 and the Creation Mandate through this short, but important message.
2. To be encouraged. Whether you are suffering with infertility or not, this message should encourage you in your Christian walk. Hopefully you are a member of a local church, and as such, this message will encourage you in encouraging others who may struggle with childlessness.

Without further ado, here is the sermon. May God bless you through it.

~ David

Money Spent with Nothing Gained

Have you ever made a poor investment? Have you ever lost a lot of money on something in a short amount of time? Well, similar to the way one may invest in a venture that never leaves the ground, seeing the dollar signs spent without a return is not a good investment, and not an enjoyable experience, to say the least.

Who would have thought that looking back on our medical expenses from the past year would hurt so much?

Now maybe this sounds cold to some; somewhat shallow, unspiritual, and matter-of-fact. But for us it's a real pain-point.

Infertility hurts.

It hurts emotionally.

It hurts physically.

It hurts socially.

And it hurts financially.

It's as if our hopes for a biological child shrink in direct, converse relationship to the growing stack of medical bills on the countertop. Don't mistake me here: I'm not saying this is right. I'm not saying that our feelings should be dependent upon external data such as invoices and receipts. I'm simply acknowledging a rarely talked about reality of our journey through infertility.

What do we have to show for the years of consultation co-pays, tests, prescriptions, and procedures? Nothing. Or so it sometimes seems.

While we don't have a child, we are reminded by the Word of God that we already have all that we need right now. We're told in Psalm 84:11,

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly."

No good thing does God withhold from us! Similarly we read in Psalm 34:10,

“The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.”

And what about the assurance given to us by the Holy Spirit in 2 Peter 1:3, "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness..."

Or as the Puritan Thomas Watson put it,

"If it is good for us, we shall have it; if it is not good for us, then the withholding of it is good."

So I guess that as that stack of bills continues to grow, this is the perspective we need to maintain. For those of us who have been bought by the blood of Jesus, God is telling us that according to Him, we already have all that we need for today, all that we need for right now, for both this life and for eternity.

~ David

Opening Up: 7 Benefits From Sharing Our Struggle

I've already written about how difficult it was for me to open up about our struggle with infertility. But once God brought me to a place of humility and complete dependence upon Him, then we opened up, began sharing our story, and have been blessed by God through it. Below are just some of the blessings we've experienced since opening up about our infertility. There have been many things God has taught us, ways he has encouraged us, and areas he's grown us through our suffering—and specifically as we've shared it with others—but here are 7 specific ways in which God has worked good things in our lives through our infertility:

1. Humility

I've alluded to this before: accepting the reality of our infertility was a large slice of humble pie for me. Opening up about it, however, was like eating the whole pie! But God, being perfect and wise, knew that I needed that pie (about the only kind of pie I need, if you ask my bathroom scale!). But as Scripture shows us, humility is a grace of God working in our lives. 1 Peter 5:5-7 reads, "...'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." Humility drives me to my knees, my proper place before my sovereign Creator, and it positions me for prayer. More on this in a moment.

2. Dependence

Walking comes pretty naturally to me on most days. I don't have to think about it, worry about it, or even pray about it. I just do it. But Paige has an 90-something-year-old uncle who has bad knees. Just to get up out of his recliner he has to almost pysch himself up for it. Once he gets his walker in position in front of him, he takes a bounce in his chair and uses his arms to help propel him to his feet. Walking doesn't come as naturally to him anymore. He's more dependent now to do what most people do without thinking about it. This is how we feel with childbearing. Something like 85-90% of childbearing-age couples don't have to put much effort into conceiving. It comes quite naturally to them, and they probably don't feel the sense of dependence upon anyone outside of the two of them to get pregnant. Unlike most couples, Paige and I have felt a dependence every month for the past 5 years now. And ultimately, this is good. Like we need humility, we likewise need to experience our dependence upon God, otherwise we would not have experienced the comfort we have found through talking to God in prayer.

3. Prayer

We have found much confidence in the Lord knowing that the prayers of a righteous man have great power (James 5:16). This isn't a magic formula; it's the simple process of speaking our thoughts to God knowing that He hears us because of Christ our Intercessor and answers us according to His perfect will. A. W. Pink defined prayer as “the way and means God has appointed for the communication of the blessings of His goodness to His people.” So while Paige and I pray and wait, we realize that even now—through our suffering, waiting, and our prayers to Him—God is working sanctifyingly in our hearts. This has proved to be such a helpful perspective for us. What's more, prayer itself comforts our hearts when we pray. The Puritan Thomas Watson once described prayer as "the dispeller of sorrow: By venting the grief it eases the heart." We're told in 1 Samuel 1:18 that Hannah poured out her heart before God in prayer and "was no longer sad." Truly, prayer is a means of God’s grace to us through which He “tinkers” with our hearts and conforms us more to the image of His Son. Thus while we continue waiting His blessing of children, we persevere in prayer with thankful hearts for all He has already graciously provided us. (An entire series of blogposts could—and probably should—be written on the importance of prayer. But maybe another time...)

4. Encouragement

I was at a national church conference a couple years ago when a well-known and much-respected pastor from across the country found me during a break. As he put his big arm around me, and proceeded to inform me that he and his wife had been praying for us, and specifically that God would grant our desire for children. Oh man, I was almost overcome with emotion right there! Here was a long time friend of my dad's, a man I had known for some time but hadn't personally told about our struggle. Nevertheless, he had heard about us, and he and his wife had been praying for us. What a blessed encouragement this was to our hearts! Similarly, Paige has experienced a number of instances when someone went out of their way to provide encouragement. In fact, the more we have opened up about our struggles the more God has encouraged us through prayers, comments, letters, cards, emails, texts, Facebook messages, and hugs. All of these have been an amazing comfort to us in our grief.

5. Resources

A couple years into our struggle with infertility, Paige had a coworker who stepped into her office one afternoon and almost out of the blue mentioned that he and his wife were seeing a fertility specialist. (I guess some people have a different definition of "casual conversation" than I do. But I digress...) What came out of that conversation was the contact name and number of a doctor who Paige and I would soon go visit. And the more we have opened up about our infertility—to both fellow believers as well as unbelievers—God has introduced us to a variety of resources such as doctor referrals, specialist and procedural recommendations, and just helpful food for thought as we walk through this struggle.

6. Ministry

Since opening up more about our difficult situation, we've come to realize just how many people have or are currently struggling in the same way. Some of these couples are close friends of ours who we see regularly, yet until we began talking about our infertility, we had no idea they were also struggling to get pregnant. This has astounded us on more than a few occasions. Just in our small church we have at least four or five couples who have been unable to have children and others who have had miscarriages. These are difficult providences in life that give us opportunities to minister to each other through prayer, conversation, and true Christian fellowship centered around the Word of God.

7. Empathy

Beyond infertility, we've also been better able to empathize with those who are struggling in many other ways. Suffering is suffering. We all suffer somehow. The goal isn't to try to compare or equate our suffering with anyone else's, but simply to acknowledge the reality of suffering in life and show genuine care and Christ-like compassion to others when they suffer. Empathy is walking side-by-side with someone through their hurt or grief. One man at our church recently referred to those who are struggling with any variety of pains—infertility, divorce, the death of a spouse, desiring to be married, stuck in a difficult financial situation, etc.—as the "disenfranchised" members of the church family. These are folks for whom life is difficult, at least right now. They feel hard-pressed on every side. And our role as brothers and sisters with other "disenfranchised" members of the body is to get close to them, to show them our love and commitment to them. Why? Because of the love that God has shown us through Christ.

And this is where all of our suffering comes back to the gospel of Christ. The reason we can endure any kind of suffering is by the grace of God as demonstrated to us by what Christ did on the cross on our behalf. Through Christ, we have real hope and comfort in the midst of life's difficult days. And so as we have opened up more and more about our struggles with infertility, we have seen Christ working more and more in and through our lives. May He be glorified in our suffering.

~David

Father's Day Reflections from a Non-Father

Yesterday was Father's Day. And to put it in admittedly unspiritual terms, it sucked.

That's all I could think to say through the tears as I drove home with my wife from a nice family lunch. What should have been a wonderful occasion celebrating my dad, my 91-year-old grandpa, and my younger brother on his first Father's Day as a dad himself, was a dismal day for me and Paige.

"How selfish of me," I'm still telling myself. "Don't be so sensitive."

But after more than a little self-examination, I really believe I went into Father's Day with the proper mindset. I sought to ensure my heart was right before I left for church in the morning, even the night before. I had spent time thanking the Lord for my dad. I thanked Him for my brother and the precious little gift God had given to Him barely two months ago. I prayed for the worship service that morning and for focus as I sat under the preaching of God's Word. And I prayed for strength, not knowing just how much strength I would actually need on this given Father's Day.

Our church service was blessed by God from start to finish. I left encouraged by the Spirit of Christ and excited for the family lunch to follow. But somehow, for some reason, our family lunch brought with it feelings of isolation and pain. And that's crazy, because I have such a warm and loving family! But as much as I tried to enter in on the family festivities around our meal together, I felt something missing.

Fatherhood, I assume: The life experience of every other male at that table. That's what I was missing.

And so it is, by God's design. While I don't always understand it, I can trust in a God Who does all things right and for the good of those who love Him. And even in my unsanctified, overly sensitive, selfish moments of tearful "This sucks!" cries, I can't help but remember that God's grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in my weakness.

~David

Father's Days Are Hard Too…

In our household, we prepare for Mother's Day. We start thinking about it weeks in advance. What's the plan? Should we go out of town this year? Should we stay home from church? Should we go late to church? Should we skip the festivities? And every year, after much prayer, we do the same thing we do every Sunday. We go to church. We celebrate the Lord's Day. We spend a LOT of time mentally and spiritually preparing for the day. We participate in the family lunch. We celebrate all the mothers. We survive and start another typical week.

It's a difficult day. We hold back tears. We try to be happy for everyone else. We try to smile and "ooo" and "ahhh" over the babies and play with the children. We try to engage in the conversations, all the while hoping we can leave this "awkward for us" situation as soon as possible. Inside, we feel like we don't fit in. The mothers get to go through the lunch line first. The mothers open their gifts. The mothers take pictures with their children. And we feel awkward and out of place. But we make it through the day, by God's grace, and move on. A sigh of relief is breathed out, and we thank God we have a whole year before we have to participate in this terrible day again.

And then, IT happens! Only a month later, without any forewarning, Father's Day is here. Only this time we have not prepared! We are not ready for the flood of emotions and uncomfortableness that this day brings. For just like Mother's Day, it's a repeat. The fathers get to go through the lunch line first; the fathers open presents; the fathers take pictures with their children and their fathers. And we awkwardly stumble through the day as if smacked on the side of the head with the broad side of a board. What was that?, we ask. Why didn't we prepare ourselves? we inquire within. And we walk away bewildered, confused, and usually in tears.

Some days it feels like infertility only gets more difficult. I don't have any words of wisdom or great advice that will magically make everything okay. I do, however, keep hearing the words of a chorus sung at our church this past Sunday, on Father's Day:

I cling to Christ, and marvel at the cost:
Jesus forsaken, God estranged from God.
Bought by such love, my life is not my own.
My praise-my all-shall be for Christ alone. 

We cling to Christ. We know our lives are not our own. And our hope and praise is for Christ alone.

~Paige

In Good Company

Throughout our infertility journey, I have found comfort reflecting on women in the Bible who were also barren for a season. In studying these women, I found it interesting how their lives and their children's lives played a unique role in Biblical history, as they ultimately point us to Christ. 

Sarah

Sarah and Abraham received a specific promise from God that they would bear children who would make up a great nation. However, even with this specific promise, they struggled to wait, to trust, and to rest. They tried to obtain this promise on their own through deceit and a surrogate. Yet God was still gracious, despite their sin. After 25 years of waiting, Sarah gave birth to a son named Isaac who became part of the lineage of Christ (Genesis 21). 

Rebekah

Rebekah and Isaac longed for children and endured 20 years of infertility. While they did not receive a specific promise from God as Sarah and Abraham, Isaac prayed fervently for his wife and she gave birth to twin boys, Jacob and Esau. This story most clearly depicts God's plan for redeeming a people to Himself, to choose by grace and not merit, for Jacob He loved and Esau He hated. We also see how powerful prayer is in a believer's life and the importance of a praying husband. Rebekah and Isaac's son Jacob would give rise to the great nation promised to Abraham, and 12 of his sons would become the 12 tribes of Israel (Genesis 25). 

Rachel

Rachel's story is a painful one, with so much waiting and heartache. Rachel endures great anguish as she watches her sister Leah give birth to not only one, but six children. So hard! We learn many things from Rachel. We learn that the pain of infertility runs deep causing grief and depression. We learn the importance of ridding ourselves of idol worship and being satisfied in God alone. Rachel named her first child Joseph, meaning "give me another." Rachel then died in childbirth with her second son. But how merciful God is! Rachel's story shows us that despite our sin, our idol worship, and ugliness, He is still gracious to give us good gifts, even gifts we desire, that He may receive all the glory. Rachel's son, Joseph would later save His family, God's people, from famine and death (Genesis 30). 

Manoah's Wife

We are not given her name, but we know she was barren. The angel of the Lord visited her and proclaimed that though she was barren she would have a son and this son would begin to save the Israelites from the Philistines. The Israelites were in great distress after doing what was evil in the sight of the Lord and had been given over to the Philistines. Manoah's wife was also in great distress for she was barren and "bearest not." And God came to both Israel and Manoah's wife in their deepest affliction. Matthew Henry remarks, "God often sends comfort to His people very seasonably, when they feel most from their troubles." Manoah's son, Samson, was a type of Christ who came to deliver God's people, and again God used a once barren woman to bring relief to His people (Judges 13).

Hannah

Hannah. One of my favorites, and probably because God allows us to observe her struggles a little closer than the others. For some reason, God focuses the lens on Hannah's life for us, and this focus is beautiful. Hannah teaches us to be patient under affliction, to listen to our husbands, to be fervent in prayer, to heed reproof, to remain composed when persecuted, and to leave our sorrows with God. She did not harden herself in sadness and bitterness but entered the Throne of Grace, emotions and all, in prayer. We see again how difficult infertility truly is and we see God comforting His child as she cried out to him in desperation. We too, can cry out to God in distress, with raw emotions and openness. He will be there to answer, to comfort, and to heal. Hannah's son, Samuel, would become the last and greatest judge of Israel (1 Samuel 1). (Here is a sermon David recently preached on Hannah and her prayerful faith.) 

Elizabeth

Elizabeth and Zechariah were known as the Lord's ministers. They were faithful. They kept God's commands. They served. Their uprightness was evident in their speech, their love towards others, and their devotion to the Lord and His people. Yet they were childless. Elizabeth was barren and as they aged they began to despair. Zechariah was seen constantly at the temple in prayer, lifting up his heart to God. And it was here that the angel of the Lord appeared to him and revealed that his prayers had been heard and he would soon bear a son.

"Prayers of faith are filed in heaven, and are not forgotten, though the thing prayed for is not presently given in." Matthew Henry

Again, we see the importance and power of prayer to bring about the miracle of new life in the barren woman. Elizabeth's son, John the Baptist, would prepare the way of Lord (Luke 1).

God cares about the barren woman. He takes time to specifically speak about infertility in His Word. He makes it clear that He and He alone has the power to open and close the womb, and He does so for very unique purposes that display His glory. This gives me great peace, knowing God is in control and just as He could be trusted with the lives of the women in the Bible, He can be trusted with my life too. 

~ Paige

A Mother's Day Poem for the Non-Mother

I started this poem two Mother's Days ago and have been meaning to finish it ever since. But every time I've sat down to wrap it up, I find it difficult. Like emotionally difficult. So I'm posting it as is, without much of a conclusion. In some ways that just seems to fit our story anyway...still waiting to find the conclusion of our own life's infertility poem. 

~David

It's Mother's Day again today.

(My heart hurts for her.)

She's the one so put together 

From her feet up to her face

She's smiling 

She's hiding

Her desire to embrace 

A child

Her own 

To be a mother with a home.

It's Mother's Day again today.

(Always on a Sunday.)

She's the one so put together

But with tear lines on her face

She's smiling

She's striving

To not feel out of place

A mother

Not yet

But praying she'll be next.

 

It's Mother's Day again...

 

IVF: I'm Worried

I'm worried about my doctors appointments.
I'm worried about the medications.
I'm worried about being worried.

I'm worried about not getting pregnant.
I'm worried about getting pregnant.
I'm worried about being worried.

I'm worried about our finances, infertility is expensive.
I'm worried about investing in something that may yield no return.
I'm worried about being worried.

I'm worried about miscarrying or having an unhealthy baby.
I'm worried about what Google says, are those accurate statistics?
I'm worried about being worried.

I'm worried about David, is he eating the right things?
I'm worried about my diet, am I exercising enough?
I'm worried about being worried.

I'm worried about what people think.
I'm worried about doing the right thing, or the wrong thing.
I'm worried about being worried.

My anxieties are multiplying.
My emotions are out of control!

But then I came into your sanctuary,
Where you hold my right hand, where You guide me with your counsel,
And there my worries fade.

You remind me that You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
You draw near to me and I'm no longer worried about being worried.

You satisfy. You calm. You quiet. You restore.
I'm no longer worried about being worried.

Lord, Teach me to trust You, to keep my eyes on You, to hide beneath the shelter of Your wings.
Melt away my fears and my worries, turn my heart to You and You alone.

~ Paige

IVF: The Next Step in Our Journey

After much thought, prayer, and conversations with “a multitude of counselors” (Prov.11:14, 15:22), we have decided to pursue IVF as we continue trusting the Lord. 

IVF is an abbreviation for in vitro fertilization, a process in which an egg is removed and fertilized by the sperm outside the womb to then be transferred back into the uterus. (That’s the super-simplified version of it, at least!) The entire process—from a regimen of medications to the actual egg retrieval and fertilization to the transfer—will likely take a few months. Lord-willing, we should know by sometime in July whether or not God has answered our prayer for a pregnancy.

Please continue to join us in prayer. We NEED your prayers, and probably now more than ever. Here are a few specific prayer requests:

1. Pray that God will keep us from allowing our desire for children to become idolatry. It’s so easy for us to make a good thing a bad thing, isn’t it? We know that God has called childbearing good (Psalm 127), and while we desire this blessing for ourselves, we must not let it become the sole desire of our hearts. Since we first came to terms with our struggle infertility, we have sought to keep our eyes on Christ, our blessed hope and eternal joy. Please pray that we will persevere in resisting temptation and loving our Savior above all.
2. Pray that God will give us wisdom and discernment. Even as we have studied the science, sought counsel, prayed, and planned our way forward as best as we know how, there surely will be questions that will still arise even in the middle of this IVF process. “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps” (Prov. 16:9). We see this specific medical means as a wisdom issue for us, and as such, we are dependent upon God for the continued wisdom to make the right decisions.
3. Pray that our doctor and his staff would see Christ in us. Our struggles aren’t meaningless. In fact, not only are they working for our good (Rom. 8:28) and preparing us for glory (2 Cor. 4:17), they are also an opportunity to be light to those around us (Matt. 5:16). Pray specifically for the salvation of Dr. Johnson, as well as the nurses, lab workers, and staff in his office.
4. Finally, pray that God will bless us with a child. So many of you have encouraged us over the past few years simply by praying for us. We look forward to the day that we can praise God with you for His goodness to us in answering our prayers for children. As Paul said in 2 Corinthians 1:11, “You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.” Please pray even now that God would not only open the womb, but also see fit to bless us with a safe pregnancy, a healthy child, and that He would save our future son or daughter at a young age. Our God can do all these things, and we entrust our lives to Him.

For those who have lifted us up in prayer before the throne of God's grace, we can’t thank you enough! May God receive all the glory.

Trusting Him,

David & Paige

Opening Up About Infertility: A Husband's Take

I'll admit: I never wanted to talk about it. I didn't even think to consider the possibility. Infertility? No way; not us!

I think they call that denial. Ya, I was there. For almost two years I denied the possibility of infertility. I didn't want the label. As the prideful man I am, I didn't want the stigma (...whatever that means). But reality hurts. Especially when doctors (plural) shared with us the reality of our situation packaged in official-sounding medical terms.

"Unexplained infertility."

The diagnosis was handed down like a judge issuing a guilty verdict. And like a defendant hearing the words pronounced with such authority, I immediately began planning my appeal: "We just need to try harder, more often...or pray more fervently...or take more vitamins...or get more sleep...or escape the stress and go on vacation...or, or..." I argued internally. As the prideful man I am, I didn't want the stigma; but as the prideful man I am, I needed the humility. And of course, God, the ultimate Judge over all, knew that.

After some slow learning (which seems to typify more than this one area of my life), I finally listened to my wife. She had been hinting, suggesting, and gently prodding for months that we open up about this to more people who were close to us. But up to that point I don't think we had told anyone outside of our immediate family that we were struggling to get pregnant. I still partly disbelieved and partly felt embarrassed. It was hard enough for me to open up and be so vulnerable with those who knew me best, even my own family. So why would I want to extend the circle of vulnerability any wider?

Meanwhile, with every passing doctors appointment, the internal struggle was growing. The pain was becoming more and more real for me. I couldn't just fix this area of my life as if it were a dent in the drywall. And as much as I hurt, I could see my wife hurting even more. That's probably what caused me to break. The emotional burden I was carrying on behalf of both of us was simply more than I could carry on my own.

In all of this, God was growing me in my dependence upon Him. And so we opened up.

Slowly we began telling those who were outside our immediate family but still near and dear to us. We started with our church elders. We met with them for a time of special prayer since they are those who "keep watch over our souls (Hebrews 13:17)." And as time went on, we were encouraged to hear from these men that they were praying for us regularly.

We continued widening the circle by telling close friends. We had a handful of dear friends - many of them almost like family to us - now praying for us regularly, texting us Bible verses, sending us encouraging notes. I began seeing the trend, the cause-and-effect relationship between the circumference of the circle and the amount of prayer and encouragement we received.

So we widened the circle further to include our church family. Now, I must admit, this was harder for me. Telling our church meant that a whole bunch more people who knew us well and who saw us at least once a week would know one of the most intimate things about our lives. (Or, that's at least how I thought about it.) And yes, even after opening up and asking our church body for prayer in this regard, there were those careless comments from well-meaning folks. But God has provided us the grace to grin and bear it knowing that this is simply a part of the character-building process. And ultimately, having our entire church praying for us has truly been a blessing of tremendous size. (More on this later.)

Finally, we've opened up to others outside of these circles; not necessarily strangers, per se, but acquaintances providentially placed in our path by God. In doing this God has given us various resources that we wouldn't have known about but for sharing our story with someone: doctor recommendations, treatment options, and just general education about this specific struggle. Most importantly, perhaps, we've had unique opportunities to share God's truth, with infertility acting as the conversation starter for something more meaningful. For example, I recently had a coworker - knowing what Paige and I are going through because I shared it - comment to me about how genuine my faith seems as I deal with this difficult trial. And so God has even used those outside our family, pastors, close friends, and church body to encourage us and glorify Himself. How humbling.  

Now, don't get me wrong: I still struggle with talking about this sometimes. By no means have I found victory over pride. (Is that even possible this side of glory??) It's hard. Maybe because infertility just isn't something you hear people talking about very publicly. But it's more common than realized. According to a Center for Disease Control study, 1 in 8 couples in the US have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. That's not an insignificant amount! And yet here I am still getting used to talking about such a common issue. May God provide me with the needed humility, grace, and strength, especially as I seek to lead my wife and be an example to others.

In another post I'll share some of the benefits that have come from opening up about infertility. But for now, if you're struggling with infertility - or any other trial of life - I encourage you to open up about it. And if you're a guy - a husband perhaps - get past any remaining denial, man up, and start sharing your struggle! Chances are, you can't fix it on your own. So get help! Humble yourself and ask others for prayer, and may the Lord grant you comfort and encouragement.

~David

Today I Cried in Front of My Boss.

I wrote the following thoughts after a difficult day at work last September. I didn't know at the time if I would ever publish it, but here goes...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

For right or for wrong, I have always tried to keep a wall of separation between my work life and my personal life. Today that wall came tumbling down. 

Today I cried in front of my boss at work. In a one-on-one meeting. Like cry cry - tears, snot, red eyes for the rest of the day. It was ugly!

If I listed all of the most embarrassing moments of my professional career in any job I've ever had, today's melodrama would sit at the top of that large heap of horrendous experiences.

Humbled. That's the best word I can find to describe it. Completely and miserably humbled. 

I suppose I needed that - both the cry and the humbling. More so the humbling, if I had to guess. The Lord knows how full of pride I am. Though I so often want to be perceived as the strong one, the unhurting human, the logical, emotionless rock, in reality I'm not any of those things. And despite my best efforts at pretending, I was painfully reminded of that truth today. 

How did God choose to show me both my sinful arrogance and my need for Him today? By letting me cry like a helpless baby in front of my boss.

I've run out of words for now. Maybe I'll close in prayer: "Dear Lord, Thank you...?"

~David

The Benefits of Childlessness: Final Thoughts

In this short series of posts, I have sought to show three areas of life where childless couples can see the blessings of God, even in their childlessness: Marriage, Ministry, and Money. I have intended to write these thoughts as an encouragement to people like us who are struggling—or have struggled—with infertility.

If nothing else, I have sought to bring perspective.

Paige and I have some dear friends who recently reminded us of something critical to our spiritual well-being: Though we don't have children, we have so much already. This is such a helpful perspective.

Before I continue, though, let me put this plainly: Perspective does not remove the hurt. It only tempers the pain.

I mention this disclaimer because sometimes I think that when others make comments like "It could be worse," or "At least you have [a cute dog/big house/nice car/nieces and nephews/etc.]!" or "Aren't you glad you aren't struggling with a terminal disease like he/she is?..." they expect us then to be rid of all the hurt and be filled with good cheer. But in my experience, that's a false expectation. Perspective doesn't work that way.

Perspective simply serves to help us take our eyes off of ourselves, if even for a moment. And this is good for us mentally, emotionally, and most of all, spiritually. Consider these examples of perspective from the Bible:

The Psalmist Asaph, in Psalm 73, was given perspective from God when he went into the sanctuary and then discerned the Lord's judgment on the wicked and mercy upon the righteous.

And in 2 Corinthians 4:8, 9 & 16-18, the Apostle Paul acknowledges our affliction, discouragement, persecution, and physical deterioration; but he continues to provide long-term, Christ-centered perspective for his readers:

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal" (2 Cor. 4:16-18).

And Paul again provides a more personal perspective on his life--and by extension, our own lives--in Philippians 3:7-9 writes,

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith..."

Truly, that perspective of Paul's which comes only by the power of the Holy Spirit working sanctifyingly in our loves through the Word of Christ, helps us count all of our wins and losses as "rubbish" when compared to our salvation in Christ. That above all else is the perspective we need to maintain throughout life.

Indeed, one thing we've sought to do during our days of internal struggle is to remind ourselves of God's abundant blessings in our lives. Instead of focusing our attention on the one thing we don't have, we've aimed to regularly take inventory of all that we do have, according to God's goodness.

Here's a sampling of our perspective on our life without children:

• We have our family of two: over 14 years of close friendship, 10+ years of marriage, and a deep love for each other rooted in our relationships with Christ.
• We have our parents and grandparents who have raised us in the fear and admonition of the Lord and have set the example of living for Christ.
• We have close relationships with our siblings who love the Lord and are walking with Him daily. 
• We have our church family through which we are shown love, taught truth, and held accountable. 
• We have friends--old and new--who encourage us in Christ and walk with us through both our sorrow and our joy.
• We have a beautiful house in a friendly community; two happy dogs; two working vehicles; careers we enjoy; money in the bank; food on the table; and healthy bodies with strength to serve the Lord and others. 
• But most of all, we have the gift of eternal salvation through the righteousness of Jesus Christ. What greater blessing could we ever ask for than to know Christ and Him crucified?!

I don't know if these posts on the Benefits of Childlessness have been encouraging to others, but it has certainly been encouraging to us to meditate upon the blessings of God in our lives, even while we wait for the blessing of children. May God receive the glory!

~ David